IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve the situation. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is irrefutable that there is a belief about accepting a poor condition
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
unsatisfied
Use the right word
unsatisfying
show examples
 jobs or having
inadequate
Correct article usage
an inadequate
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 mindset has been the subject of a contentious debate. Some argue that trying and
enhancing
Wrong verb form
enhance
show examples
 the situation is better.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate on both perspectives before discussing why I believe that the latter
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be more beneficial.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it might be reasonable for some to believe that humans should accept all the fates destined before they were born. Put differently, they consider it
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the best way to be positive to all the obstacles and
struggling
Replace the word
struggles
show examples
 in
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 living in a high inequality situation
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 mostly teach their offspring to accept that
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 the conditions of poverty, they are likely to get a job they feel
unsatisfactory
Verb problem
is unsatisfactory
show examples
 or even
lacking
Wrong verb form
lack
show examples
adequate
Correct article usage
an adequate
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to use in everyday life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, opponents of
this
Linking Words
 idea might believe that all
people
Use synonyms
, regardless of social status, are equal in equity. To clarify, there will always
the
Verb problem
be the
show examples
 opportunity for everyone to try something new and to improve themselves to be better.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are many
riches
Check wording
rich people
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 who declared that they used to be poor beforehand, but they have thrived
to
Change preposition
in
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concur
Verb problem
overcoming
show examples
 bad situations and
be
Verb problem
become
show examples
 successful in
that
Correct word choice
what
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 they do. Personally, I would argue in favour of
this
Linking Words
 idea that it is the worst if
people
Use synonyms
 do not put
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 effort to try
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 best and improve their lives as much as possible. To clarify, I believe in the mindset that nothing comes easily, especially in enhancing life conditions, so that a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 in the world attempt with their best effort to receive what they crave.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who want to own a house
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 have to accumulate the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 over
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 period of time and thinking ahead of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 enhancement
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 those who want to get a proper job will try their best to apply to many companies until they get one. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is undeniable that accepting the bad situation might gain at least
the
Correct article usage
some
show examples
 positivity and not
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be
much
Rephrase
too
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 upset. I am of the opinion that
people
Use synonyms
 should put their best effort
to do
Change preposition
into doing
show examples
 everything, especially in finding a job and
Use synonyms
money
Verb problem
making money
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your essay does discuss both views clearly but adding more detailed examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words and phrases to make your ideas flow better. This helps the reader follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and sentence structure; some sentences are a bit unclear or awkward. Clear sentences are important for good writing.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and you support it well in your conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are generally structured, which helps in making your argument clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Contentment
  • Resilience
  • Personal growth
  • Endurance
  • Initiative
  • Advancement
  • Catalyst
  • Financial stability
  • Status quo
  • Innovation
  • Missed opportunities
  • Life satisfaction
  • Adverse situations
  • Taking control
  • Risk assessment
  • Change management
  • Self-improvement
  • Motivation
  • Stagnation
  • Proactivity
What to do next:
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