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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the changes in Ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in household in one country between 1920and 2019.

The charts below show the changes in Ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in household in one country between 1920and 2019.
The line graph provides the details of
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
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 of houses with electronic goods and the duration of chores done per week in one country between the period of
1920to
Correct your spelling
1920 and
 2019.
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
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it is clear that
Linking Words
 the use of
refrigerator
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refrigerators
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 and vacuum
cleaner
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cleaners
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were
Verb problem
apply
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increased over the period
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the time spent doing the housework decreased dramatically.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
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 there is
drastiv
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drastic
 growth in the usage of
refrigerator
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refrigerators
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 since the beginning.
it
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It
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 was 0% in 1920 and spiked to reach just more than half in the year 1940.
Then
Linking Words
 it continued to grow and attained 100%in
1980
Punctuation problem
1980,
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 after that it remained the same till 2019.
Linking Words
Additionally
Punctuation problem
Additionally,
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 the same goes for
vacuum
Correct article usage
the vacuum
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 cleaner
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it started with 30% in 1920and had a gradual growth where it met 100%in the same year as
refrigerator
Correct article usage
the refrigerator
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. On
Correct article usage
the contrary
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contrary
Punctuation problem
contrary,
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 the amount of time spent doing the household
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 started with 50%in the year 1920 and declined slowly over the next four decades to be at 20% in 1980
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 in 2019 it came down to just 10%.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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