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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Many people discuss that teenagers should pay equal attention to all school
subjects
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that focusing on their strongest and most enjoyable areas is more beneficial. Personally, I think both views have their own advantages, adolescent students who learn both
of strategy
Check wording
strategies
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 can benefit the young generation to
get
Verb problem
achieve
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 good
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
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 for them
Firstly
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,
Studying
Fix capitalization
studying
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 all school
subjects
Use synonyms
 equally allows teenagers to build a strong foundation of knowledge
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is essential for
overall
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 development. At school, the youth should learn all
subjects
Use synonyms
, if they want to increase their awareness of real life or understand
working
Correct article usage
the working
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 environment.
Moreover
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, teenagers have knowledge about many areas and use it in many
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
. To illustrate
this
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 situation, we can see
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 generation
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 learn specific aspects
just
Punctuation problem
, just
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 like
tech
Correct article usage
the tech
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 industry or designer marketing, but they can
do
Rephrase
also do
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 another area
similar
Punctuation problem
, similar
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 to
edit
Check wording
editing
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 or
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
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 accounting data.
Otherwise
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, studying their best topic
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is the strongest and most
fascinated
Replace the word
fascinating
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 for them, can help them reach
on
Change preposition
apply
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a good position at work. In an academic setting, modern youth can improve their potential to help them in their fields.
Furthermore
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, if they improve their strongest subject effectively, they will succeed perfectly or achieve
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 greatest target.
For example
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, adolescents pursue opportunities for work
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they can discuss or debate in their
specialization
Use the right word
specialisation
show examples
 with others. In conclusion, whether students choose to pay attention to all
subjects
Use synonyms
 or just one can reach available
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
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qualification
Punctuation problem
qualification,
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 just like
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 a place in optimal offices or in suitable
organizations
Use the right word
organisations
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, so we can apply both of
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 abroad to grow our abilities.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it well.
task achievement
Use more examples to show your points clearly, and explain them.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and sentence structure for better readability.
positive
You introduced both views clearly in your introduction.
positive
You provided relevant points for both sides of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • interdisciplinary
  • well-rounded knowledge
  • specialized skills
  • passion-driven learning
  • unforeseen future demands
  • balanced approach
  • academic strengths
  • diversified education
  • curriculum breadth
  • specialization
  • career prospects
  • personal development
  • cognitive flexibility
  • adaptability
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