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Band 7

The charts below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of whicg may be unhealthy if easten too much,

The charts below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of whicg may be unhealthy if easten too much,
The pie charts illustrate the percentage of three different types of nutrients - namely,
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat, and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 - in four typical meals (breakfast,
lunch
Use synonyms
,
dinner
Use synonyms
, and snack), which can be unhealthy if consumed excessively.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly be seen that the percentage of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat at
dinner
Use synonyms
 is higher than
other
Change preposition
at other
show examples
 meals,
while
Linking Words
snacks
Use synonyms
 have more
amount
Use synonyms
 of added
sugar
Use synonyms
. The most
amount
Use synonyms
 of
dinner
Use synonyms
 is made up of
sodium
Use synonyms
 with 43% and saturated fat with 37%.
In addition
Linking Words
,
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat
also
Linking Words
 accounted for the largest proportion of
lunch
Use synonyms
, with 29% and 26%, respectively.
While
Linking Words
 breakfast has almost the same
amount
Use synonyms
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 as
snacks
Use synonyms
, with 14%, the portion of saturated fat for
lunch
Use synonyms
 constituted 16% and
snacks
Use synonyms
 made up 21%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, added
sugar
Use synonyms
 accounted for 42% of the
snacks
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 after
snacks
Use synonyms
, it made up the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 of nutrients
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 23% at
dinner
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, added
sugar
Use synonyms
 made up 19% of
lunch
Use synonyms
 and 16% of breakfast.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, lunch, dinner, snacks, amount with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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