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Writing Samples
Band 4

The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities.

The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities.
The presented picture illustrates the comparison of an
island
Use synonyms
 before and after the infrastructure development to support tourism. As
is
Verb problem
apply
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presented, there are 3 different transformations from open space land. Accommodations were built extensively, and a reception was
build
Replace the word
built
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 in the middle of the
island
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, palm
trees
Use synonyms
still were
Correct word order
were still
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 not touched by the developer. Before the
isle
Replace the word
island
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 was established as a resort field, it was just a spacious open space with
trees
Use synonyms
 surrounding the whole
island
Use synonyms
, but only twelve scattered palm
trees
Use synonyms
 grew on the west and east areas
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 there was a small beach on the west side of the cay. After the whole resort is already built, one of the most visible
alteration
Fix the agreement mistake
alterations
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 based
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 picture is
villas
Correct word choice
that villas
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 were extensively built on
this
Linking Words
 archipelago
, there
Punctuation problem
. There
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 are six villas arranged encircled on the western side,
while
Linking Words
 the remaining ones are located on the eastern side. on
this
Linking Words
 small cay. There have been no substantial alterations to the
island
Use synonyms
’s area, allowing its
overall
Linking Words
 size to remain unchanged.
In addition
Linking Words
, to enhance accessibility around the islet, the construction of the footpath and vehicle road has been facilitated by the owner. Meanwhile, a reception area has been established at the
center
Use the right word
centre
show examples
 of the
island
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 a restaurant has been constructed to its north. Despite these developments, the natural vegetation, including palm
trees
Use synonyms
, remained untouched.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words island, trees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • island
  • before and after
  • construction
  • tourist facilities
  • maps
  • changes
  • comparison
  • description
  • implications
  • personal opinion
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