IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Use synonyms
people
Fix capitalization
People
show examples
 often
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 an ideal culture to enhance the
enivironment
Correct your spelling
environment
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 sometimes it
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not
worked
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 as well
we
Correct word choice
as we
show examples
 think.
Linking Words
while i
Fix capitalization
While I
show examples
 will discuss my
ipinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 with examples and
also
Linking Words
 illustrate the reasons
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are different factors to
eastablish
Correct your spelling
establish
 the ideal culture we have to promote the education of our
society
Use synonyms
.
howevere
Correct your spelling
However
,there are several
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 who are being uneducated and unaware about the positive perspective of mindset.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
a village
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village
Add a comma
village,
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 70
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of the individuals
belongs
Correct subject-verb agreement
belong
show examples
 to poor
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
,facing the
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges
 that cannot
effort
Verb problem
afford
show examples
 the finances of education.
Therefore
Linking Words
 , the government should
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 to
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem
Punctuation problem
. .apart
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
Apart
apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 ,
society
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to
motivate
Wrong verb form
be motivated
show examples
 with confidence to make
this
Linking Words
 ideal
society
Use synonyms
 .
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the second reason
that
Verb problem
is that
show examples
traffic
Correct article usage
the traffic
show examples
 system should
added
Wrong verb form
add
show examples
 the policies and rules to decrease the death rates.
Linking Words
consequently
Fix capitalization
Consequently
show examples
,the culture would be improved.
Body paragraph 3
Linking Words
for
Fix capitalization
For
show examples
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 in public
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
place
Add a comma
place,
show examples
 the traffic system
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 various circumstances
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their pavements
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 road accidents and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
alcholic
Correct your spelling
alcoholic
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 drive very fast without
license
Correct article usage
a license
show examples
.
ultimately
Fix capitalization
Ultimately
show examples
, the employment rate would
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increase to maintain the ideal atmosphere
Punctuation problem
. like
show examples
like those
Change preposition
Those
show examples
 who
completed
Verb problem
have completed
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
graducation
Correct your spelling
graduation
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be employed in the future because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educated
people
Use synonyms
 will
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
push
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a great level.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
 that,
people
Use synonyms
 should do the sort of things for the
society
Use synonyms
 with the help of
gorvernment
Correct your spelling
government
as a result
Linking Words
, to
enhace
Correct your spelling
enhance
 the traffic system,
promot
Correct your spelling
promote
 education
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
grow
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high level of employment rate
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
 in the
potiential
Correct your spelling
potential
 years the land would be an ideal.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences to guide the reader through each point.
task achievement
Add more clear examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check for spelling and grammar errors to improve clarity.
task achievement
You mentioned the importance of education in creating an ideal society.
task achievement
You provided some real-world examples related to traffic issues, which is a good strategy.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ideal society
  • equality
  • social justice
  • sustainable practices
  • community engagement
  • economic stability
  • cultural diversity
  • accessible healthcare
  • fair justice system
  • educational opportunities
  • environmental sustainability
  • active participation
  • inclusive society
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