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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of schools provide tablets and laptop computers for students to use in school, replacing books and other printed materials like exams and assignments. What is the advantages and disadvantages?

In recent years, many schools
adopted
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have adopted
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to
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apply
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digital devices
such
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 as tablets and laptops ,
instead
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 of using paper
book
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books
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 and printed exams. It
beneficial
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is beneficial
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 to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 and students
but
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, but
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damages
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the damages
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 have equal significance as
positives
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the positives
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. One of the advantages
are
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is
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 the wide range of
recourses
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resources
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, which
pupil
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pupils
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 can find
from
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on
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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. It is known that materials on the
web-sites
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websites
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 update regularly
and
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, and
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 it
ease
Verb problem
makes
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the
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apply
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searching
,
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easier, while
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while
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 textbooks can be outdated.
Moreover
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, there are special apps where
student
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students
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 can collaborate
both
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for both
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sides
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apply
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enjoyment and education. To enhance the interest of
students
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students,
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 schools provide them gripping videos and games. Another benefit is environmental efficiency. Using computers reduces paper usage
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, with
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with
Use the right word
which
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this
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apply
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prevent
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prevents
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 deforestation in the world. As far as
Verb problem
is known
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known
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known,
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 to provide one school with books ,
government
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the government
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 should cut billions of trees. It is undeniable that
reduction
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the reduction
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 number of trees will cause atmospheric changes and catastrophes.
However
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, there are visible negatives. One key issue is the potential
to
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for
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 distraction. Students misuse the devices and enter
to
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apply
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games and dangerous media and
it
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which
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 will impact to
study
Replace the word
studies
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.
Furthermore
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, excessive screen time
affects
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is
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 harmful to people’s health and
cause
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causes
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 some ailments
such
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 as problems with vision and fatigue. Another drawback is inequality in own. There are certain families who have
economical
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economic
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 problems and can not buy to their children digital devices.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 it can show a division among pupils. In conclusion, the progression of using laptops in education has educational and environmental benefits.
However
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, modern technologies and their usage in academies will have distractions and issues of inequality.

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task response
Make sure to clearly state your opinion on the topic at the beginning of your essay. This will help the reader understand your viewpoint better.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas better. Phrases like 'firstly', 'in addition', or 'for example' can help improve flow.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples in each paragraph to strengthen your arguments. This will make your points clearer and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with your grammar and spelling, especially with singular and plural forms and articles. This improves overall clarity.
task response
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of using digital devices in education, showing a balanced view.
task response
The environmental argument is strong and relevant to the topic, which adds depth to your discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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