IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

There is a controversy between
people
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 who claim that
job
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satisfaction
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 is more important,
while
Linking Words
 others say that staying in a single
job
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 is more beneficial. In my point of view,
job
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satisfaction
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has
Verb problem
is
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 more advantageous than occupying
one
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 place for a long
time
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, which
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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 anxiety, stress and depression that will not lead to other chronic illnesses, and others.
Moreover
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, there are other perks from
job
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satisfaction
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 which I will provide below. On the
one
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 hand,
people
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 who have been working in
one
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job
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 for a long
time
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 already have earned trust from their executives as they
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 experienced all ups and downs of their work with their CEO, and older
workers
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 are the
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 can be relied on in tough times. The
people
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 who
are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 working for a long
time
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 in their
job
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 can be trusted to work independently and accurately
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 managers know well that they do
Correct article usage
an exceptionally
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exceptionally
Replace the word
exceptional
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 great their role in their
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job
Check wording
role
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. For employees, it means that they can stay in their
job
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 for a long
time
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 as they are in a good relationship with their boss.
Moreover
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, there might be other incentives to stay in their role for employees
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as business trips or
health related
Use the right word
health-related
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 expenses that can be covered by the company. All of them
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 beneficial for both
company
Correct article usage
the company
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 and
Correct article usage
the employee
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employee
Punctuation problem
employee,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
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performance
Correct article usage
the performance
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 of the
workers
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 and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 profit in the long run.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
job
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satisfaction
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 is more important
for not only
Correct word order
not only for
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health
Correct article usage
the health
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 of the
workers
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 but
also
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increases
Wrong verb form
for increasing
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 productivity in the
long-term
Use the right word
long term
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. The
one
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 reason is that employees do what they prefer to do
instead
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 of being involved in monotonous and dull tasks
such
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 as ordering documents or writing various papers
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 many
people
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 do not like.
Therefore
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, they can focus on their tasks so fully that their productivity and if there is a comparison performance rate
Punctuation problem
,
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no
one
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 will
not
Rephrase
apply
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be replicate that specific performance.
Furthermore
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,
job
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satisfaction
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 can provide less anxiety and stress during the day as they willingly exert themselves
to
Change preposition
in
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 their
work
Punctuation problem
work,
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 that did not overwhelm them. That in turn leads to more profit for the company from the fulfilled
workers
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 as they have more motivation to keep going forward. Working in
Correct article usage
a favorite
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favorite
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favourite
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 position impact on personal
life
Punctuation problem
life,
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 where they can find
time
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 to engage with their family members or
relatives
Punctuation problem
relatives,
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 if they do well in their
job
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by
Punctuation problem
, by
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 having more free
time
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 to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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. In conclusion, even though there are some benefits of working in
one
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Use synonyms
job
Punctuation problem
job,
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 it cannot outweigh
job
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satisfaction
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
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job
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satisfaction
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 gives not only health benefits
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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also
Linking Words
 person can be focused on as they like their position
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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did
Wrong verb form
does
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 not tire them out.

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task response
Make sure your introduction presents both views more clearly and states your opinion more directly.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer linking words to improve the flow of your writing, such as 'Firstly', 'However', and 'In conclusion'.
task response
Support your arguments with more specific examples or data to make your points stronger.
task response
The essay discusses both views and provides a personal opinion, which is a good approach.
task response
The argument on job satisfaction positively affecting health and productivity is well made.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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