Some parent believe that learning mathematics at school is redundant and should not be taught while others believe that it should remain a foundational subject whether or not it is used later in life. Discuss both sides.

There is no denying the fact that some family thinks learning
mathematics
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at
secodary
Correct your spelling
secondary
school or at school in general is strange
and
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, and
show examples
others believe it must remain
as
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apply
show examples
a main
subject
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.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that studying
mathematics
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is not
important
Rephrase
as important
show examples
like
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as
show examples
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
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subjects or materials, there is
also
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an argument that some
people
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convincing
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believe
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mathematics
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are
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is
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essential and necessary.
This
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essay will analyse
this
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topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
on
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On
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one hand, studying math
probably
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is probably
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difficult for some
people
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who
dose
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do
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not love
the
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apply
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numbers or accounts.
In other words
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, you have to
accustomed
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get accustomed
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to
this
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subject
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because it is part of
science
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.
In addition
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, solving problems
are
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is
show examples
going to improve your
thinks
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thoughts
show examples
, brain and even beliefs.
for example
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, the scientists like Einstein, Newton and Oppenheimer.
On the other hand
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,
majority
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the majority
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of
people
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need
this
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subject
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to continue
becuase
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because
it is one of the basic materials in
science
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. It is
also
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possible to say that if
the
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apply
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mathematics
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disappear
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disappears
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the
science
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will fade away.
Moreover
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, the origin of
science
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is
mathematics
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cause it
uses
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is used
show examples
in dimension, time, place and even
the
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apply
show examples
other sciences.
For example
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, physics, chemistry, biology and geology. In conclusion, despite
people
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having different views, I believe that we must
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be interest
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interest
Replace the word
interested
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to
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in
show examples
this
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subject
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because it will improve our skills, minds, etc. O

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task achievement
Your introduction should be clearer and more direct about the topics. Make sure to state both opinions in a straightforward way.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer links between your points. Use words like 'first,' 'next,' and 'finally' to show the order of your ideas.
task achievement
In your examples, provide more details or explanations to make them clearer. For instance, explain how famous scientists used mathematics in their work.
coherence and cohesion
Watch for spelling mistakes. Words like 'probably' and 'because' had errors, which can confuse the reader. Always proofread your work.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is a good beginning for a discussion essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion includes your opinion, which helps to summarize your ideas nicely.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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