IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Fewer and fewer children are willing to look after their parents as they get older these days. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

There is a denial of the fact that the public should take
care
Use synonyms
 of their
parents
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. It is a commonly held belief that only a small number of children are willing to look after them
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 there is an argument that it is more of a disadvantage. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both points of view and express my opinion that crowds should watch after their family. On the one hand, some people think there are more disadvantages of kids not taken
care
Use synonyms
 of
Check wording
apply
show examples
parents
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. It is possible to say that, looking after them , like making food and cleaning the house
to show
Verb problem
shows
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 how much you
care
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 and love them.
In addition
Linking Words
, our
parents
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 took
care
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 of us as kids , so we should do the same.
For example
Linking Words
, if one of your
parents
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 gets sick, children need to start watching after them and giving them the drugs needed.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others think that the advantages outweigh the negative side.
In other words
Linking Words
, it takes time to look after them , and it has to be done by professional people who know what they are doing.
For example
Linking Words
, in my experience, l would see my friend taking their family to the hospital because they can not do the job , and they would be paid for it. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
Linking Words
, l tend to believe that as long as any parent is alive, we should be the ones taking
care
Use synonyms
 of them as their kids.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position on the topic. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer linking words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to connect your ideas better. This will help your reader to understand your points more easily.
task achievement
Develop your examples further to show why they are important to your argument. Providing more details can strengthen your points.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main point well, making it clear what you believe.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Generational dynamics
  • Elderly care
  • Filial piety
  • Professional care services
  • Psychological well-being
  • Social responsibility
  • Financial burden
  • Emotional strain
  • Nuclear family
  • Assisted living
  • Health care systems
  • Social norms
  • Dependency ratio
  • Aging population
  • Cultural values
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