IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

There is no doubt
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that developing countries have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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great healthcare,
although
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 that may have some drawbacks, which can be seen in the increasing
of
Check wording
number of
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 older citizens. The government can mitigate
this
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 phenomenon by taking some actions.
To begin
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 with, the
rising
Replace the word
rise
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of
Change preposition
in
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 life expectancy
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 several benefits for individuals,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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 great education and
safe
Correct article usage
a safe
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 environment, but there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 some drawbacks which I
mention
Verb problem
will mention
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 in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, the immense presence of older
people
Use synonyms
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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 that you have a
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
proportion
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people
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 who are qualified to take retirement, and do not pay taxes.
Secondly
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,
All
Fix capitalization
all
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 these things can contribute to
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
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 of material and
healtcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
 equipment, which
mostly
Verb problem
is mostly
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 consumed by ageing
people
Use synonyms
.
Thirdly
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 their number
grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
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that
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, that
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 will result
some
Change preposition
in some
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 issues.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 the increasing number will affect the income and the general projects, because of
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
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of
Change preposition
in
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 the allocated funding, which the majority of
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will go to the healthcare of older
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, there are few solutions that can be taken by the government to fix
this
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 phenomenon. The system can
issued
Wrong verb form
issue
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different actions
such
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 as
priortising
Correct your spelling
prioritising
 young
people
Use synonyms
 over ageing
people
Use synonyms
, in various things, investment and healthcare. Another alternative solution is to make
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
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 between them, and
investing
Wrong verb form
invest
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 in the health system
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 for kids and adolescents, and for adults, advertise and
facilitates
Correct subject-verb agreement
facilitate
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intercoursing
Correct your spelling
interaction
 with the opposite gender for them, so we can make
concord
Correct article usage
a concord
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 between the new and old population.
To conclude
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 , there are a variety of measures that can be taken
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
to solve and fix the imbalance among the proportions.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state the main problems caused by rising life expectancy. Make sure to explain your ideas in depth to give a complete response.
coherence
Try to link your sentences and paragraphs better. Use transition words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to help guide the reader.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your points. For instance, explain how fewer workers paying taxes specifically affects the economy.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and conclusion. You mention both problems and solutions, which is a good approach.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
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