IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today, many
news
Use synonyms
 channels focus heavily on negative events
such
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 as crime, disasters, and political conflict,
while
Linking Words
 reporting fewer positive
stories
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. I believe
this
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 trend has harmful effects on both individuals and society, as it impacts mental health and distorts how
people
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 see the world. Seeing negative
news
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 too often can affect
people
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 emotionally,
which
Correct word choice
as
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 regular exposure to distressing
stories
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 may lead to anxiety, fear, or even depression.
For instance
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, during the
COVID 19
Use the right word
COVID-19
show examples
 pandemic, nonstop reports about deaths and overwhelmed hospitals caused stress and panic for many.
Overtime
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Over time
show examples
,
people
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 may feel emotionally exhausted and lose interest in staying informed.
Instead
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 of awareness, constant negativity may lead to hopelessness and avoidance of the
news
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the problem
Linking Words
that is
Correct word order
is that
show examples
 too much focus on bad
news
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 creates a one-sided view of society. It makes
people
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 believe that the world is getting worse, even when progress is happening.
By contrast
Linking Words
, positive
stories
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such
Linking Words
 as scientific achievements, successful community efforts can inspire optimism and encourage action. A more balanced
news
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 approach would help
people
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 stay aware of problems
while
Linking Words
 still feeling hopeful about the future. In a nutshell,
although
Linking Words
 it is important to report serious issues, focusing too much on negative
news
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 can be damaging. A mix of both good and bad
stories
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 would support mental health and give
people
Use synonyms
 a fairer, more realistic picture of the world.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your ideas and make them clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more clearly; use linking words between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well and presents clear opinions.
coherence and cohesion
You provide a logical flow of ideas, which helps in understanding your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • news reports
  • media focus
  • negative news
  • positive developments
  • stress and anxiety
  • skewed perception of reality
  • world view
  • desensitization
  • pessimistic outlook
  • general public
  • mental well-being
  • proactive problem-solving
  • holistic view
  • informed decision-making
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