There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Students

Use synonyms

have always felt the pressure that comes with academics, but now

such

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a feeling is

exacerbatingly

Rephrase

increasingly

show examples

more widespread and immense than ever before. By the age of 12, many children are already juggling between maths, science, languages and even physical education and cookery.

Hence

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, to relieve academic pressure, many people are of the opinion that

subjects

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as the latter two are academically redundant in a

student

Use synonyms

's educational journey, so

Change preposition

apply

show examples

they should be removed from

Use synonyms

students

Check wording

students'

show examples

workloads.

While

Linking Words

such

Linking Words

an action may sound beneficial, I strongly believe that undertaking

such

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an action will only prove detrimental for

students

Use synonyms

in the long run. If

such

Linking Words

a scenario were to occur,

students

Use synonyms

may experience the extra time they have to focus on their academics.

However

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, many will soon experience the opposite effect - a loss in focus. Research has found that taking regular breaks between academic studies

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

allows the brain to rest and recuperate, leading to far better levels of memorisation and recall.

For example

Linking Words

, regular exercise is a key factor that many

successfull

Correct your spelling

successful

individuals have attributed to their success.

Thus

Linking Words

, non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

should not be disregarded,

and

Correct word choice

but

show examples

recognised for their indirect capability to enhance intelligence.

Additionally

Linking Words

, many schools do not force older

students

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to juggle

subjects

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they dislike. Only by being exposed to a wide variety of academic and non-academic

subjects

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Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

can a

student

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discover what they enjoy learning.

For instance

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, if physical education were removed, a

student

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could have never discovered their love of the game and would not have ever become a footballer. A widely respected and admirable profession around the world.

Hence

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, a

student

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should have the freedom to explore all types of subject fields

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and have the opportunity to discover what their true passion is.

To conclude

Linking Words

, the notion that non-academic

subjects

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are redundant is , by itself,

Correct article usage

an aredundant

show examples

aredundant

Correct your spelling

redundant

idea. Not only has scientific research proven their crucial role in an individual's ability to learn, but

Linking Words

also

Correct pronoun usage

it also

show examples

empowers

students

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to uncover who they are.

seunghakangs

Jul 25, 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Make sure to provide clearer links between your ideas to enhance the flow of your essay.

task achievement

Include a stronger conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points.

task achievement

Clarify your examples so they directly link to your points and enhance understanding.

task achievement

Your essay presents a clear argument against removing non-academic subjects.

task achievement

You provide relevant examples that support your position well.

coherence and cohesion

The structure of your essay is logical and easy to follow.

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

329 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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