IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, with the development of
traffic
Use synonyms
 science, more and more
people
Use synonyms
joint
Use the right word
join
show examples
 the discussion about
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 money on high-speed
railway
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 or
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 money on
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 existing public transport in
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
. In my opinion,
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
high-speed
Correct article usage
a high-speed
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railway
Use synonyms
 is much more important On the one hand,
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
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 public transport is necessary.
Build
Wrong verb form
Building
show examples
Use synonyms
traffic
Correct article usage
a traffic
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 facility is a very important way to improve citizens’ life quality. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
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 spend time on different transportation, and public transportation is the largest part. In my hometown, the subway
almost
Verb problem
is almost
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 full of
people
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 every
work day
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workday
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 morning
,
Punctuation problem
.
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in
Change preposition
According to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 government research in 2024, more than 60%
people
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 hope a new subway line can be built in sever years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 new
railway
Use synonyms
 lines between cities is more important.
First,
Linking Words
with the development of
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
, the
city
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 expanded to the limit. Only
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 public
Use synonyms
traffic
Check wording
transportation
show examples
 can solve the problem, and the best idea is
built
Verb problem
to build
show examples
 more high-speed
Use synonyms
railway
Fix the agreement mistake
railways
show examples
 from big
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city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
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 to small
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means more
people
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 can live in small
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and go to work every morning in 30 minutes.
Second,
Linking Words
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 more
Use synonyms
railway
Fix the agreement mistake
railways
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 between big
Use synonyms
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 can increase the
city
Use synonyms
 cooperation significantly, which means every
city
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 can develop
their advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
its advantages
show examples
 for
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
. In conclusion, I agree that it’s necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new
railway
Use synonyms
 lines for very fast trains between cities. Because
this
Linking Words
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
 can help
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 to solve more
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 on different
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
, not only
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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, but
also
Linking Words
 a good way to improve public
Use synonyms
traffic
Check wording
transportation
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your essay responds to the task, but the points need to be clearer and more developed.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points.
task achievement
Try to use clearer examples and details to support your arguments about high-speed trains and public transport.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your paragraphs better, with each paragraph focusing on one main idea.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which is good for discussion.
task achievement
Your opinion is clear at the end, showing your viewpoint on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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