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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Music
Use synonyms
 is often described as a universal language
,
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apply
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 which has no cultural
and
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or
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 generational boundaries. Some view it as a profession
and
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, and
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 others simply as a source of entertainment. I strongly agree with the opinion that
music
Use synonyms
 serves as a powerful tool to connect
the folks
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people
show examples
 of different backgrounds and ages. In
this
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 essay, I shall fully elaborate on my
view point
Use the right word
viewpoint
show examples
 in the following paragraphs. To commence with, there a myriad
of
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apply
show examples
reasons
the
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that
show examples
favor
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favour
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of
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apply
show examples
this
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. The cardinal one is that
music
Use synonyms
 has
unique
Correct article usage
a unique
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 ability to communicate emotions and ideas without
need
Correct article usage
the need
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 for translation. A person can feel sad, romantic and joyful through the vibe and rhythms of the
music
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.
For instance
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, global
music
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 events like international
music
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 festivals or top song charts
such
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 as
billboard
Fix capitalization
Billboard
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 and
UK
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the UK
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 official chart attract
massive
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a massive
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 audience from different regions, all united by
a
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an
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 appreciation
to
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of
show examples
music
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 and performance.
Moreover
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,
music
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 can
strong
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strengthen
show examples
 the international bonds. To make it clear, nowadays, many artist are doing their world tours in different nations and collaborations with
the
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apply
show examples
foreign
artist
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artists
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, which promotes culture at a different level.
In addition
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, Daljit Dosanjh's collaboration with
Kenney
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Kenny
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 Janner is the best example to demonstrate
that
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apply
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how
music
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 can effectively bridge the gap
in
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apply
show examples
between different cultures and generations.
To sum up
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, in view of the arguments outlined above, I firmly believe that
the
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apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 plays a
signifcant
Correct your spelling
significant
 role in bringing inhabitants of various cultures and ages together. Its universal approach and way of delivering make it a strong
power
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force
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 for fostering unity in an
incresingly dvided
Correct your spelling
increasingly divided
 world.

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grammar
Make sure to check grammar for correct sentence structures. Some sentences have missing words or agreement errors. For example, 'there a myriad of reasons' should be 'there are a myriad of reasons'.
coherence
Provide smoother transitions between ideas. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Add more specific examples from different cultures or musical genres to strengthen your points further. This makes your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic, which helps the reader understand your position.
task achievement
You provide good examples of music events and artist collaborations, which show how music connects people from different backgrounds.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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