IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relation people make? Has that become a positive or negative development?

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 technology has changed the way that many people communicate with each other.And
this
Linking Words
Verb problem
has
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is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
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 a serious issue as it is
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 development
unfortunately
Punctuation problem
, unfortunately
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main causes of
this
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 problem and suggest possible solutions. One of the main causes of
this
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 situation is that technology creates emotional distance.To illustrate
this
Linking Words
 , individuals may feel more connected online, but in
reality
Add a comma
reality,
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 they lose their ability to express emotions
probably
Punctuation problem
, probably
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 in real life.
For example
Linking Words
, many citizens prefer texting or posting online
instead
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 of having real conversations.
In addition
Linking Words
, recent statistics show that digital addiction
Leeds
Use the right word
Leads
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 to isolation. To tackle
this
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 matter
one
Punctuation problem
, one
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 possible
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
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 would be to promote community activities and social interactions.
Also
Linking Words
, it would be helpful if they could set boundaries for technology in family settings. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is a major concern, a combination of awareness, policy, and personal action can make a considerable difference.

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task response
Expand your introduction to clearly state your opinion about whether the changes are positive or negative.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph for better structure.
task response
Add more specific examples to support your points about technology and relationships.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work for small errors, like "this is become" should be "this has become."
task achievement
You have identified the issue of emotional distance well, which is relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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