IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retailer sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retailer sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
The shown pie graph describes the online shopping sales for
Travel
Use synonyms
,
Film
Use synonyms
/
music
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,
Books
Use synonyms
 and
Clothes
Use synonyms
 in New Zealand over the period of the decade between 2003 and 2013. As the graph shows, the number of
travel
Use synonyms
 and the
clothes
Use synonyms
 witnessed a downward
trend
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,
while
Linking Words
 the opposite
trend
Use synonyms
 was true in
Books
Use synonyms
 and
Film
Use synonyms
/
music
Use synonyms
. In 2003, the
Use synonyms
travel's
Check wording
travel
show examples
 data was highest,
while
Linking Words
 the
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
clothes
Use synonyms
 was lowest. As is shown by the graph, the rate for both
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
show examples
 and
clothes
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
showed
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downward
Correct article usage
a downward
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
, the number of
travel
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 went down slightly
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 7% from 36% to 29% and
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 data
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
clothes
Use synonyms
 dropped suddenly by 8% from 24% to 16%. There was an upward
trend
Use synonyms
 in the
books
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 and
film
Use synonyms
/
music
Use synonyms
 online shopping sales. In terms of that proportion of
books
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 grew slowly by 3% from 19% to 22%.
Then
Linking Words
, the online shopping sales of
film
Use synonyms
/
music
Use synonyms
 increased quickly between 33% and 21%

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words travel, film, music, books, clothes, trend with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 2 times.
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