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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress in the workplace is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it?

The deteriorating mental
health
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 has become a contentious issue in today's world. Most of the employees are experiencing stress at their workplace. There are multifaceted reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 increased mental
health
Use synonyms
 issues among
workers
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as working overtime and enhanced competition in the offices.
However
Linking Words
, multiple approaches like
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of counselling services and extended holidays can assist in reducing the level of anxiety
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employees.
To begin
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 with, one of the major factors causing mental strain in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 is spending too much
time
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 on
jobs
Correct pronoun usage
their jobs
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. In order to earn more, most of the
workers
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work
Use synonyms
 for long hours
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 makes them physically and mentally tired.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these
people
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 do not get enough
time
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 to sleep and spend
time
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 with their families, which enhances
feeling
Correct article usage
the feeling
show examples
 of isolation among them.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in Melbourne, Australia, revealed that approximately 60 per cent of the
workers
Use synonyms
 employed in Dominoz
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 double shifts that
limits
Correct subject-verb agreement
limit
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 their ability to sleep for
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 6 hours,
consequently
Linking Words
 leading to depression and stress.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another factor contributing to mental pressure in individuals who are employed is the anxiety to cope with the increasing competition. Many
people
Use synonyms
 always feel
pressurized
Verb problem
pressured
show examples
 to be productive and develop their skills to get promotions and to retain
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 job positions.
For example
Linking Words
, an individual who had plans to get
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 job position will always feel stressed thinking
that
Change preposition
about
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 what he or she could do to get promoted and impress the employers.
Therefore
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,
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 competitive
work
Use synonyms
 environment sometimes
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
detrimental
Correct article usage
a detrimental
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 impact on the cognitive ability of
people
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are several strategies that can be implemented by the firms to improve the well-being of their staff.
Firstly
Linking Words
, seminars, workshops and counselling services offering knowledge and techniques to improve stress can serve the purpose. The therapies provided in counselling
encourages
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourage
show examples
 the service seeker to talk about concerns and
also
Linking Words
 assist with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ways to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the problems that one is facing. So, companies should be obliged to provide mental
health
Use synonyms
 services and workshops to their employees on a regular basis.
Secondly
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, granting benefits to the
workers
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Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as long weekends
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and paid trips with
families
Punctuation problem
families,
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 will boost
morale
Correct article usage
the morale
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 and satisfaction of the
workers
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, these benefits will provide an opportunity to a person to have a break from their busy schedules, which will
further
Linking Words
 provide them
mental
Change preposition
with mental
show examples
 peace.
For example
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, the CEO of the top
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
industry in India, named
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 Tata, provided in an interview that they focus on
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 of their staff by providing long holidays
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them in retaining the experienced professionals for
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 period of
time
Use synonyms
 as the
workers
Use synonyms
 feel
relax
Replace the word
relaxed
show examples
 and supported by the company.
Thus
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, opting
these
Change preposition
for these
show examples
 techniques will help in improving the mental
health
Use synonyms
 of the
workers
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.
To conclude
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, the competitive workplaces and increased financial responsibilities make
workers
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 feel stressed all the
time
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, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
methods
such
Linking Words
 as counselling and vacations can assist in providing satisfaction to individuals who
work
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects to the essay question.
task achievement
Use more simple examples to explain your points clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to add a few more sentences in your conclusion to summarize your main points.
task achievement
You clearly identified the causes of stress and provided solid solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good structure, with clear paragraphs for each main idea.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • workplace stress
  • work-life balance
  • job insecurity
  • economic downturn
  • management support
  • unrealistic deadlines
  • adapt to new technologies
  • mental fatigue
  • physical fatigue
  • employee well-being
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