IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

TD: Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,
while
Linking Words
 many
Use synonyms
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 get immense income,
due to
Linking Words
 the things they created, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that others are
suffering
Verb problem
struggling
show examples
 to live.
Hence
Linking Words
, some individuals suggest that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should fix
this
Linking Words
 imbalance
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly agree with that, because of the injustice between
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the artist
show examples
artist
Check wording
artist's
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 and regular
citizens
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
,
also
Linking Words
 to prevent crimes and
rebels
Check wording
rebellions
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
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 occurring.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
artist
Use synonyms
 get huge
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 to other citizens. The large
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 shows that there is a problem within the system, which some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it's happened because of the audience. As they started to consider these
artist
Use synonyms
 as
miracle
Fix the agreement mistake
miracles
show examples
,
Linking Words
therefore
Rephrase
apply
show examples
that will lead to
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
their
Change preposition
in their
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 value and presence
than
Change preposition
above
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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what
should be
Verb problem
is expected
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, and by
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they will receive a higher income
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Another point is that if
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 discrimination continues, that will cause
protesting
Replace the word
protests
show examples
 and
rebels
Fix the agreement mistake
rebel
show examples
 groups to appear
Punctuation problem
, intercepting
show examples
intercepting on
Verb problem
targeting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
crimes rate
Fix the agreement mistake
crime rates
show examples
 will rise, because
people
Use synonyms
 will think of stealing and other
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 as a better option than
begin
Verb problem
being
show examples
 forced to work for 12 hours, in harsh circumstances, without breaks, and
then
Linking Words
begin
Verb problem
being
show examples
 paid less than those
Use synonyms
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
. In conclusion, the immense discrimination of the received money is an issue that needs to be solved, or as a
Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
show examples
consequences
Add a comma
consequences,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will start to
protesting
Wrong verb form
protest
show examples
 and
critiquing
Verb problem
criticise
show examples
 the injustice income.

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task achievement
Clearly state your main points in your introduction. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea connected to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linkers to connect your ideas, like 'firstly', 'moreover', and 'finally' to help readers follow your argument.
task achievement
Provide specific examples or evidence to support your points to make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Work on grammar and sentence structure for clearer expression of your ideas, as this will improve comprehension.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main idea well, showing a clear end to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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