IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram shows the stages in the food's production chain in the United States. Desbribe the detail

The diagram shows the stages in the food's production chain in the United States. Desbribe the detail
The diagram shows the process of
producing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 manufacturing in the US.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process contains 9 steps. It begins with obtaining
food
Use synonyms
 from various resources and ends with delivering to home
customers
Check wording
apply
show examples
and
restaurant
Use synonyms
 customers.
First,
Linking Words
ingredients from fisheries, livestock and crops and harvested and sent to specialised centres for
further
Linking Words
 processing. After the processing is completed, the products are delivered to distribution facilities to get ready for shipping. In the next stage, the products are shipped to two places, retail and
restaurant
Use synonyms
. With retail, the
food
Use synonyms
 products are pre-processed for home preparation before being sent to home consumers. With the same step, after sending to
Use synonyms
restaurant
Correct article usage
the restaurant
show examples
 Use synonyms barcafeteriacoffee shopdinerdining roominnoutletsalooncanteenchophouse It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
,
Punctuation problem
Food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 is processed with
restaurant
Use synonyms
 preparation by a chef prior to serving
restaurant
Use synonyms
 consumers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, restaurant with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: