IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days,some individuals
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that children should participate in planned group activities in their spare
time
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their parents.But some people think that
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing with
toles
Check wording
toys
show examples
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
show examples
roles
Fix the agreement mistake
role
show examples
 in their life.In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I am trying to describe both these opinions and
say
Verb problem
share
show examples
 my idea. First of all,participating in
planned
Correct article usage
a planned
show examples
 group
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 several advantages for young
.
Check wording
people.
show examples
In
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 type of
activity
Add a comma
activity,
show examples
 they can learn useful
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 for their future
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 when they become
mature
Punctuation problem
mature,
show examples
 they can use them in their real lives.
Also
Linking Words
 in these situations they have to obey
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
strict laws that
Verb problem
are inforce
show examples
inforce
Correct your spelling
enforced
 by the
stuff
Use the right word
staff
show examples
.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
if
Punctuation problem
, if
show examples
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 break the
law
Punctuation problem
law,
show examples
 they will impose fines on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and it
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them to accept the
consequense
Correct your spelling
consequences
 of their
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
 at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
 age.In my
neighborhood
Use the right word
neighbourhood
show examples
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 type of organisation have
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 life
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
person
Check wording
to people
show examples
 that did not. On the other
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 hand
some
Punctuation problem
, some
show examples
 teenagers play with their toys in
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 summer
that
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 schools are closed.
This
Linking Words
 type of
activitice
Correct your spelling
activity
 can make their brain stronger because
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 they have to
more
Verb problem
think more
show examples
thinking
Verb problem
apply
show examples
about
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
Punctuation problem
, specialy
show examples
specialy
Correct your spelling
especially
 if they play with instruments that
need
Verb problem
require
show examples
 logical thinking. Perhaps student can
bulid
Correct your spelling
build
 their future with
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 of logical thinking.In my school
children
Punctuation problem
, children
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 spend their free
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
in play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 with
herself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 and their tools can make
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 decision in tough
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. In
conclucion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
Linking Words
 joining in planned group
activitis
Correct your spelling
activities
 may teach the
childrean
Correct your spelling
children
 several
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
obey
Wrong verb form
as obeying
show examples
 the strict
roles
Use the right word
rules
show examples
,but in my point of
view
Punctuation problem
view,
show examples
 if they can play with
himself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 is more useful for them. Because in the future they can take a
lots
Fix the agreement mistake
lot
show examples
 of
advanteges
Correct your spelling
advantages
 in personal life
with make
Change preposition
by making
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 decision in
hard
Correct article usage
a hard
show examples
time
Use synonyms

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coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay in clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have one main idea.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Use more examples to support your points and explain them clearly.
task achievement
You have introduced both sides of the argument, which is good.
task achievement
You attempt to offer reasons for your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
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