IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in someway.why is this ?do you think it is a positive or negative development?

It is common these days for businesses to frequently highlight the newness of
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 products in their advertising.It may be because they aim to boost their sales and persuade
consumers
Use synonyms
 to purchase more.
Linking Words
however
Fix capitalization
However
show examples
,I think it is a negative trend. The prime reason businesses
emphasize
Use the right word
emphasise
show examples
 their product's novelty is to enhance their sales figures.
it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
 can attract consumer attention in a
Highly
Fix capitalization
highly
show examples
 competitive market where numerous companies offer similar products. On the positive side ,
emphasizing
Use the right word
emphasising
show examples
 newness can provide
consumers
Use synonyms
 with valuable information.Highlighting unique features can help
consumers
Use synonyms
 to make an informed decision that
align
Correct subject-verb agreement
aligns
show examples
 with their needs and preferences.
Linking Words
for
Fix capitalization
For
show examples
 example, marketing shampoos and soap with unique ingredients
such
Linking Words
 as
vit-E
Correct your spelling
vitamin E
 for polished skin and onions for healthy hair will target
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
those
Change preposition
with those
show examples
 concerns.
Linking Words
furthermore
Fix capitalization
Furthermore
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 transparency will create a bond between the seller and the
consumers
Use synonyms
. On the flip side,
this
Linking Words
 trend
push
Correct subject-verb agreement
pushes
show examples
 people to buy their items blindly, because users will automatically
tuned
Verb problem
be tuned
show examples
 towards the quantity and not the quality.to elaborate,even if the goods
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
 numerous valuable ingredients
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 doesn't necessarily
met
Wrong verb form
meet
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
consumers
Check wording
consumer's
show examples
 needs
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it might turn into slow poison.
to
Fix capitalization
To
show examples
 give an example,the
well known
Use the right word
well-known
show examples
 baby product company Johnson and Johnson
caught
Verb problem
was caught
show examples
 up in a lawsuit because their
so called
Use the right word
so-called
show examples
 natural ingredients caused skin cancer and hair fall in infants and adults.
To conclude
Linking Words
,the companies are doing
this
Linking Words
 to improve their market popularity in a competitive circle
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 though it
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 its own merits for some of the targeted population,I think it is a clear negative influence where it creates aimless consumerism and
fostering
Wrong verb form
fosters
show examples
 clients with fake information.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences to state the main idea of each paragraph. Focus on a logical flow of ideas, ensuring each point directly supports your thesis.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas more fully. Provide more examples and explanations to develop your arguments. This will help you present clearer and more convincing points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work for grammar and spelling. Fixing minor errors can improve the overall quality of your writing.
Task Achievement
You made a good effort to state your opinion regarding the trend in advertising, which shows engagement with the topic.
Task Achievement
Your use of examples, like the Johnson and Johnson case, demonstrates an attempt to back up your points with specific evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • novelty
  • differentiation
  • research and development
  • consumer preferences
  • market competition
  • improved quality
  • advertising strategy
  • brand loyalty
  • perceived value
What to do next:
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