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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the two pie charts below show the percentages of industry sectors contribution to the economy of turkey in 2000 and 2016

the two pie charts below show the percentages of industry sectors contribution to the economy of turkey in 2000 and 2016
The two pie charts give information about the rates of industry segment contribution share to the
turkish
Fix capitalization
Turkish
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 economy in 2000 and 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, at the
beginning
Add a comma
beginning,
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 Agriculture made up the highest contribution to the economy
Change preposition
of turkey
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turkey
Fix capitalization
Turkey
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,
while
Linking Words
 Construction was the
sallest
Correct your spelling
smallest
 part. In comparison,
at the
Linking Words
end
Add a comma
end,
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 Healthcare and Education
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 the largest economic
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the lowest was made by Finance, Business and other. In 2000, Construction was 3% of
turkey
Use the right word
Turkey's
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economic
Replace the word
economy
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, and increased gradually to 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2016. Trade,
Utilies
Correct your spelling
Utilities
 and Transportation accounted for 14% in 2000, was grew by 2% in 2016. At the beginning of the period, Manufacturing and Finance, Business and other
compromised
Verb problem
sectors accounted
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to
Change preposition
for
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 8% and 5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
turkey’s
Fix capitalization
Turkey’s
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 economy respectively
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the figures rose moderately to 12% and 8% in 2016. In 2000, Agriculture accounted for 24% of
turkey
Use the right word
Turkey's
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economic
Replace the word
economy
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, and decreased slowly to 14% in 2016. Government was 12 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2000, and fell slightly to 9% in 2016. Leisure and Hospitality were 17% in 2000 and dropped to 14 per
cent
Use synonyms
 after 16 years.
At the end
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the
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Economic
from
Check wording
sectors from
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 Healthcare and Education
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 17% in 2000, and remained unchanged until 2016.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
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