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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people regard video games as useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

It is argued that video
games
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 can be considered
as
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 useful tool for learning,
while
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 others
alarmed
Verb problem
are alarmed
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 about
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 detrimental effects
Punctuation problem
, specially
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specially
Replace the word
especially
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 in
children
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, its advantages are more than its
benefitt
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benefits
 and will be
discucced
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discussed
 in
this
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 essay. On the positive side, it is obvious that video
games
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 can make
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
show examples
proccess
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process
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
esaier
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easier
 and make learning fun. Indeed,
Use synonyms
games
Fix the agreement mistake
game
show examples
 platforms are not only a great opportunity to teach complex content
easilly
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easily
 but
alos
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also
 it can make it more memorable .
For example
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, in the traditional
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methods
methodes
Add a comma
methodes,
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 many
children
Use synonyms
 had a lot of
strugle
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struggle
 in
memorizing
Use the right word
memorising
show examples
 the multiplication table,
while
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nowaday
Use the right word
nowadays
show examples
by
Punctuation problem
, by
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helping
Verb problem
playing
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 these
games
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,
student
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students
show examples
 can learn faster and easier
rather
Rephrase
apply
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than
the
Change preposition
in the
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 past.
Thus
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, it is
undainable
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undeniable
 that these
games
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 can lead to some
benefites
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benefits
 to students or people. One of the main drawbacks of playing
games
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 is
addicttion
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addiction
. The fact is that,
unfourtenatly
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unfortunately
many
Punctuation problem
, many
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 of the
games
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been designed
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 economic and financial
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
, so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 their
algoritm
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algorithm
 is based on attraction and addiction.
According to
Linking Words
 a survey conducted on the
Mishigan Satate
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Michigan State
 schools, many parents
staed
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stated
 that their
children
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in
Verb problem
engage in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
additatve
Correct your spelling
addictive
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
that waste
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waste
Correct subject-verb agreement
wastes
show examples
 their time
to play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 which more of
them
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are not educational.
Moreover
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, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cognitive scientists claim that playing
games
Use synonyms
 has a detrimental
effects
Fix the agreement mistake
effect
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people attention's
Correct word order
people's attention
show examples
 span, which is
also
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 supported based on the
teachers
Check wording
teachers'
show examples
 experiences.
Therefore
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, playing the
games
Use synonyms
 has some disadvantages that lead to
long terms
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 effects on the
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
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games
Use synonyms
 are a useful tool for learning, particularly for complex subjects,
it's
Check wording
their
show examples
 benefits do not
outwiegh
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outweigh
it's
Check wording
their
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drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
. The
addiction
Replace the word
addictive
show examples
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
 and
loosing
Use the right word
losing
show examples
 the
concentrations
Fix the agreement mistake
concentration
show examples
 ability are the main
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. You can say something like 'In my opinion, the benefits of video games do outweigh the drawbacks.'
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to help the reader follow your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and spelling, especially for words like 'benefit' and 'addiction'.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion in your concluding paragraph. This shows that you understand the topic well.
task achievement
You have some good examples, like the multiplication table, which help support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Strategic thinking
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Interactivity
  • Motivational
  • Educational software
  • Game-based learning
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Social interaction
  • Learning outcomes
  • Digital literacy
  • Attention span
  • Addictive behavior
  • Inappropriate content
  • Health repercussions
  • Multimedia tools
  • Critical analysis
  • Virtual environments
  • User engagement
  • Psychosocial impacts
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