IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that advertising encourages unnecessary spending, while others argue that it provides useful information about new products and services. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

With passing years, there has been debate in different
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 of localities
according to
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 their
mind
Use the right word
mindsets
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 sets
whereas
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one sided
Verb problem
some
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believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
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promotions
Fix the agreement mistake
promotion
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 of upcoming
products
Punctuation problem
products,
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pressuriesed
Correct your spelling
pressuring
 one to have it
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while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 others say, for
Correct article usage
the anouncement
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anouncement
Correct your spelling
announcement
 of
camponies
Correct your spelling
companies
 spread various understanding or gathering. I strongly opine that advertising is a positive way to know about each product and my essay will elaborate each statement in detail. To begins with, several promotions leads to everyone into delima to buy it or not which in end leads to spending on non requirable things.
For example
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, advertisements of beauty
propducts
Correct your spelling
products
 highly
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
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 impacts on individuals who are struggling with
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
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 problems
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
this
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 product will cure acne and so on. Probing
further
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, employees
building
Verb problem
are building
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hacking level
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hacking-level
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 marketing schemes
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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also
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creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
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pressure on parents via their children to borrow
such
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 toys.
However
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, it automatically creates
burden
Correct article usage
a burden
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 on families who are not capable of giving
such
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 securities.
In contrast
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,
second hand
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second-hand
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 folks
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
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opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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to
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of
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first
Correct word choice
first-hand
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 hand like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 easy to assess, one who is passionately searching for their universities and confused
for
Change preposition
about
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 which they should go ends up with
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 conclusion.
Moreover
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, advertisements
holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
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 several information which educate
properly to students
Correct word order
students properly to
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for taking
Wrong verb form
take
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further
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 necessary knowledge from that
pemplate
Correct your spelling
template
.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it is beneficial for freshers
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 facing difficulties in finding new jobs, it builds a clear pathway for them to select their dream job.
To sum up
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, advertisements
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 to many aspects from which some say it results
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 unnecessary
shoping
Correct your spelling
shopping
while
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lefted
Correct your spelling
others
 find it
knowledgable
Use the right word
knowledgeable
show examples
 to search
something
Change preposition
for something
show examples
.
Hence
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, it is beneficial for locating newly launched products and for
well repotated institues
Correct your spelling
well-reputed institutions
 for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction needs to clearly state both views before you explain your opinion. Make sure your main points are clearly separated and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph. This will help guide the reader through your ideas.
task achievement
Avoid unclear terms or phrases like 'second hand folks' and 'people who are confused'. Use simple language to make your point clear.
task achievement
Make sure your examples are well explained and directly support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more relevant.
task achievement
You express a clear personal opinion and attempt to address both sides of the argument, which is a good approach.
task achievement
You include examples that relate to your points, showing an effort to support your arguments with relevant details.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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