IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the main envirnomental problem of our time is the loss of paticular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more imprtant evirnomental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

While
Linking Words
 many people believe that the loss of specific types of animals and plants is the major
evironmental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 dilemma of our recent times. Others argue that there are other vital issues
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
environment
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree with the latter, and I believe each individual is
resposible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for these problems. On one hand of the debate, those who think the only problem is the
loosing
Check wording
loss
show examples
 of species, as they may compare the numbers of types that
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
existed in the past with the current numbers.
For example
Linking Words
: a recent study published by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Durham University claims that over a hundred types of animals
were
Verb problem
have become
show examples
extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
, and the only vital problem in
this
Linking Words
 matter is that they are not sure yet about the major factor of
this
Linking Words
 extinction.
On the other hand
Linking Words
. One significant issue to the
environment
Use synonyms
, and
also
Linking Words
 could be a reason for species
loosing
Use the right word
losing
show examples
, is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming. Both the government and humans are triggering and
maximizing
Verb problem
exacerbating
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue.
For instance
Linking Words
: building factories in the middle of the cities and depending on riding a
care
Use the right word
car
show examples
 to move around, could produce fumes affecting not only the individuals, but the surrounding
as
Check wording
area as
show examples
 well. To
try to
Verb problem
To
show examples
 solve
this
Linking Words
 issue,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should
allocates
Wrong verb form
allocate
show examples
 specific areas away from citizens to establish the factories. As for the
citizens
Add a comma
citizens,
show examples
 they may help their
environment
Use synonyms
 by moving around using public transportation, as they will
be
Correct word order
also be
show examples
also
Linking Words
 supporting their country's economy. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that a lot of factors can affect our
environment
Use synonyms
 in many ways, and both government and citizens should collaborate
together
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to lessen any issues we to
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in
clean
Correct article usage
a clean
show examples
 and tidy place.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline your opinion in the introduction. For example, state that you believe there are more important environmental problems.
coherence
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to improve the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing global warming and its effects.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which is good for discussion.
coherence
You made a good attempt to conclude with a summary of your view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: