IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some employers think that it is important to provide their employees with physical fitness facilities such as gym memberships, while others consider it a waste of resources. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While
Linking Words
 some entrepreneurs argue that providing
gym
Use synonyms
 memberships for their
workers
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 essential, others take the view that it is just budget
consuming
Use the right word
budget-consuming
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action
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. From my point of view, it is important
both
Change preposition
for both
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employees
Use synonyms
 and
company
Correct article usage
the company
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. On one side of the argument, there are employers who think that spending money on
gym
Use synonyms
membership
Use synonyms
 is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 if
employees
Use synonyms
 do not take advantage of the benefit. Today, a number of people tend to live
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle.
Consequently
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, it does not matter whether companies provide
membership
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 or not.
According to
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 experts, a lot of
workers
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 complain
their
Change preposition
about their
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 job environment
,
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;
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Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
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 they do not have enough time for
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
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. Another reason is that employers consider
if
Change preposition
whether
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 money used for
gym
Use synonyms
membership
Use synonyms
 could be better spent on training or improving work conditions. Nowadays, finding skilled
workers
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 is
tough
Correct article usage
a tough
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Use synonyms
action
Check wording
task
show examples
 for companies,
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
, they tend to develop their own
workers
Use synonyms
' skills.
Researches
Fix the agreement mistake
Research
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 has shown that improving
own
Correct word choice
apply
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employees
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'
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
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 can contribute to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
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 company culture and effectiveness. Despite the above arguments, I am of the view that supplying
membership
Use synonyms
 has
an
Correct article usage
a
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 crucial role in
staffs'
Check wording
staff's
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 lifestyle. Indeed, one reason why I take
this
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 position is that if businesses furnish
membership
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 for workforces, that
action
Use synonyms
 may reduce sick days and improve productivity. Today, every organisation needs fascinating ideas. For that aim, they should take care
to
Change preposition
of
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team
Correct pronoun usage
their team
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 members. Nowadays, giving something to
workers
Use synonyms
 can inspire them. On top of that almost every workplace
a
Punctuation problem
, a
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lot of people work together,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 positive company culture is essential for them.
Additionally
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, if entrepreneurs want to create that they need to pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
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 something. It is not only about giving high salaries
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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also
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 they depend on healthier
employees
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.
For instance
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, there are a lot of worldwide companies which take time
for creating
Change preposition
to create
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healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 environment. In conclusion,
while
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 both views are commonly held in businesses, I believe that providing
membership
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 is a more important
action
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.
This
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 is because workforces should feel
care
Replace the word
cared
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from
Change preposition
for by
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managament
Correct your spelling
management
. Given
this
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 situation, it is recommended that firms should put more effort into furnishing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 clubs
membership
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stays focused on that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs better.
task achievement
Provide clearer examples that support your main points.
task achievement
The introduction presents the topic and your opinion clearly.
task achievement
You made good points about how gym memberships could improve employee health and productivity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employers
  • employees
  • physical fitness
  • facilities
  • gym memberships
  • important
  • waste
  • resources
  • productive
  • boost
  • energy
  • levels
  • focus
  • creativity
  • performance
  • reduce
  • sick days
  • ill
  • money
  • long run
  • foster
  • teamwork
  • morale
  • bonds
  • collaboration
  • waste of money
  • manage
  • health
  • hours
  • spending
  • equipment
  • resources
  • goals
  • interested
  • work-life balance
  • support
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