IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People living in the 21st century have a better life quality than people who lived in previous times. to whta extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that nowadays the lifestyle has been different compared who lived before. The beginning of 2000 century has better quality of
life
Use synonyms
 matter more than in the nations before 21 century. I do agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement,
due to
Linking Words
 the
high
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
sufficient medical care over time,
as well as
Linking Words
 the healthy
food
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the development of medical equipment
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 raises human beings' expected age.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study in 2021 showed the national health in 1600, compared to 2021, they noticed that in the period 1600, the majority of people passed away , nearly half of the population,
while
Linking Words
 in 2021, only 20%, which is a sharp decrease.
Linking Words
also
Fix capitalization
Also
show examples
, the rapid medical research contributed positively to health.
For example
Linking Words
, there is a recent discovery that medicine cured the cancer patients by 69% percent. For another point to consider, the healthy
food
Use synonyms
 they choose to feed themselves
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 quite important, because in modern
Use synonyms
life
Punctuation problem
life,
show examples
 they are more open to healthy
food
Use synonyms
, unlike before,
due to
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 poverty, they eat anything they can provide. So, today they can pay for organic
food
Use synonyms
, or hold to a delightful diet
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
that is
Linking Words
 what makes them have a much better quality of living.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey
asks
Wrong verb form
asked
show examples
 people if healthy nutrition
associated
Verb problem
is associated
show examples
 with the core of lifestyle, 80% of people agreed with
this
Linking Words
. In conclusion, quality of
life
Use synonyms
 is different over time and
generations
Change preposition
across generations
show examples
.
Linking Words
due
Fix capitalization
Due
show examples
 to the developmental area in
life
Use synonyms
, like
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 and
food
Use synonyms
 areas. From my point of view, I do agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction. Use a clear thesis statement that outlines your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better, such as 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally'. This will help the flow of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and sentence structure. Try to use full sentences and correct punctuation for better clarity.
task achievement
You presented a clear argument supporting your view that life quality is better now than in the past.
supporting main points
Your use of specific examples, such as health statistics, adds strength to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • quality of life
  • technological innovations
  • life expectancy
  • preventive measures
  • educational opportunities
  • online learning platforms
  • globalization
  • economic conditions
  • social issues
  • gender equality
  • human rights
  • environmental resources
  • climate change
  • leisure activities
  • cultural experiences
  • mental health awareness
  • well-being
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