IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

There is a growing trend of
people
Use synonyms
 migrating from rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to urban
centers
Use the right word
centres
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.
While
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 some believe
this
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 may have some negative impacts, I argue that the benefits of
urbanization
Use the right word
urbanisation
show examples
 outweigh its drawbacks. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, it is true that
this
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 phenomenon may cause some adverse consequences.
Firstly
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,
people
Use synonyms
 moving to the cities may adversely affect the development of the rural
areas
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. The decrease in the population in the countryside may lead to a reduction in consumption and less
labor
Use the right word
labour
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, which
thus
Linking Words
 affects the local agriculture and local industries.
Secondly
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, with more and more young
people
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 leaving, elderly
people
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 may suffer mental health issues and poor social services. When young
people
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 move to the cities, old
people
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 may feel lonely and lacking of family bond.
Moreover
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, alongside fewer
people
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, social services
such
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 as healthcare, transportation will usually decline.
Lastly
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,
due to
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 the expansion of the urban population, resource problems and rising house prices may arise, affecting urban citizens’ well-being.
On the other hand
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, there are a variety of advantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
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 trend. The increasing population can contribute to the economic growth as a whole. There are more jobs with higher salaries and opportunities in large cities,
increasing
Wrong verb form
which increases
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s disposable income.
Furthermore
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, by attracting more talented young
people
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, it will increase the cities’
dynamic
Check wording
dynamism
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 and innovation, which is beneficial to the development of the economy.
In addition
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,
centralization
Use the right word
centralisation
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 of social resources and government investment,
such
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 as infrastructure, hospitals, and water supply facilities, can improve the efficiency of the whole society.
Moreover
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, it is more convenient for
people
Use synonyms
 to access public services, like education, transportation, and public healthcare, improving the quality of personal life. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some shortcomings of the migration from underdeveloped
areas
Use synonyms
 to developed
areas
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, I believe it will be beneficial to society as a whole.

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specific examples
Consider adding more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention a particular city that has benefited from urbanization.
coherence
Ensure that the ideas in your paragraphs are well connected. You could use more linking words to guide the reader through your arguments.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with a good introduction and conclusion.
argumentation
You present both sides of the argument well, which shows you understand the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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