IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In
todays’
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today’s
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 modern world, with the advancements in various parts of devices and
tranportation
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transportation
, individuals can decide
weather
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whether
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 to live far away from their hometown or to just move to
an other
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another
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 country. I believe there are many upsides to
these
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this
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progresses
Correct subject-verb agreement
progress
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, everything is more accessible. Before these advancements in transportation
system
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systems
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, some occupations that were needed in different areas were impossible to get a hold of. Case in point, doctors could not go to remote
places
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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people
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 who lived in small villages that were far from big cities often died of diseases because they were not able to get the treatment needed. Another key point is the better job
oppertiunities
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opportunities
. Some occupations need to be in certain
places
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 to be useful.
For example
Linking Words
, marine scientists need to live near the sea, or be able to travel by boat to
examain
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examine
 and gather information about
aquaris
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aquatic
 animals that are endangered
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as great white sharks.
Also
Linking Words
,
people
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 can settle down in
palces
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places
 with better weather conditions. Many
people
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 who were born in
harsh
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harsh,
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 freezing cold or boiling hot climates
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 can move to
places
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 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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better and more bearable temperatures. To illustrate,
people
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 who hate rainy and cold
places
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such
Linking Words
 as
Chille
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Chile
 can move to a sunny and warm country like
Qater
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Qatar
. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above and how it made our lives more convenient, I believe the benefits of developments in these fields far
out weights
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outweigh
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 it’s negatives.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to explain your main ideas more clearly and connect them better.
task achievement
Try to use a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points more effectively.
task achievement
Proofread for spelling and grammar mistakes to help improve clarity.
task achievement
Your ideas about better job opportunities and accessible services are relevant and interesting.
task achievement
You used examples to support your points, which is a good practice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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