IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

A lot of people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years
decide
Wrong verb form
have decided
show examples
 to be self-employed, rather than working for
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 institutions.
As
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 approach has some disadvantages. I believe many employees choose to pursue it
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 after struggling with their work-life balance. First and foremost, one significant factor for a connected and united family is spending enough
time
Use synonyms
 together. Working for companies means working for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very long hours
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the individual will
loose
Use the right word
lose
show examples
 the quality of
time
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, parents will have to choose between
either
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
one of them to quit and start taking care of the children and household, or to start their own
business
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will be able to control their working hours and spend adequate
time
Use synonyms
 with their loved ones.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any decision may involve a
risk
Punctuation problem
risk,
show examples
 even if it
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 successful. Being self-employed means that starting a
business
Use synonyms
 on your own, and there will not be a team to help build and grow the work.
As a result
Linking Words
, there will be a tremendous percentage of falling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business
Use synonyms
 for many
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
: no one will invest in small
buisnesses
Correct your spelling
businesses
, and if anyone
wish
Correct subject-verb agreement
wishes
show examples
 their work to
flourish
Punctuation problem
flourish,
show examples
 they should either hire a team or work on their own, which means
loosing
Use the right word
losing
show examples
 money or wasting
time
Use synonyms
. By way of conclusion. As now many employees tend to
wonk
Use the right word
work
show examples
 for themselves, rather than for
someone's else
Correct word order
someone else's
show examples
business
Use synonyms
, they should
cosider
Correct your spelling
consider
 both sides of
this
Linking Words
 choice, as it is an irreversible decision and will cost you the two most valuable elements of money and
time
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly restate the main topic in your introduction. Your introduction should briefly state why people choose self-employment and its disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your ideas by using more linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', 'however', and 'in conclusion'. This will make it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas. Personal experiences or real-life examples can help explain your point better.
task achievement
Your points about work-life balance are relevant and important.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: