IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the average hours spent per day in leisure and sports activities by youngest and oldest populations in the US in 2015.

The chart below shows the average hours spent per day in leisure and sports activities by youngest and oldest populations in the US in 2015.
The bar graph below illustrates the average amount of
time
Use synonyms
 spent in a day in leisure and
and
Correct word choice
apply
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games by adults and old age people in the US in 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
,
All
Fix capitalization
all
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 age group individuals are spending a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 watching
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
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.
Oldest
Correct article usage
The oldest
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 population are spending more
time
Use synonyms
 on activities like watching TV,
Reading
Fix capitalization
reading
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,
Relaxing
Fix capitalization
relaxing
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thinking
Punctuation problem
, thinking
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Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
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 young people are engaged more in
socializing
Use the right word
socialising
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,communicating,
Playing
Fix capitalization
playing
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 games and exercise kinds of stuff. Generally,old people
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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on
Use the right word
an
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 average of 4.5 hours a day
on
Change preposition
apply
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watching television,which is the highest amount of
time
Use synonyms
 they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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in
Change preposition
on
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 leisure
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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.
Beside
Change preposition
Besides
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 that, they spent 1
hour
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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reading.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,they invest around 0.2
Use synonyms
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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 on sport and doing exercise
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is the least attractive
activitiy
Correct your spelling
activity
 for them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,Youth enjoyed watching TV for around 2.5
Use synonyms
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is the maximum
time
Use synonyms
 they spent enjoying.
Also
Linking Words
, they spent more than one
hour
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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playing games or computer
use
Check wording
apply
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.
Negligible
Correct article usage
A negligible
show examples
 amount of their
time
Use synonyms
 is used for relaxing and thinking.The
time
Use synonyms
 spent
in
Change preposition
apply
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socializing
Use the right word
socialising
show examples
 is around 0.7 hours for both of them.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, hour with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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