IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisation. disscuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is believed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 is paramount for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
, and living without working is difficult. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that it is better to still
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 in the same company, but others prefer to
chang
Use the right word
change
show examples
 their
work
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I agree with changing the job if I want to improve my working skills. First and foremost,
people
Use synonyms
 are always looking for a new job
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many reasons. The first reason, they need to develop their skills and learn
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new features.
Also
Linking Words
, they like to improve their working
life
Use synonyms
 and stay updated. In some cases, they wanted to get more money. Some
people
Use synonyms
 hate the routine of their days
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they want to see different faces and walk
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other streets.
For instance
Linking Words
, my friend is used to working in many companies because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 she thinks that changing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
assignments makes her
life
Use synonyms
 more active and interesting. She doesn’t like staying in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same job.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 have been staying in the same task and refused to
chang
Use the right word
change
show examples
 it
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they like their managers and have good relationships with their
stuff
Use the right word
staff
show examples
, so staying in the same organisation all their working
life
Use synonyms
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them
guarantee
Correct article usage
a guarantee
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
their
Use synonyms
life
Correct word choice
whole life
show examples
 . Studies in UK
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 between 1999 to 2004 showed that approximately 69%
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 workers prefer
stayed
Wrong verb form
to stay
show examples
 in the same industry for reasons related to their living.
To sum up
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 for the same organisation all their working
life
Use synonyms
. Others think that it is better to
work
Use synonyms
 for a different organisation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Improve sentence structure and grammar for better readability. Make sure to use the correct verb forms and avoid spelling mistakes.
task achievement
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion. Make sure to restate your opinion in the conclusion for stronger closure.
task achievement
You presented both views and provided your opinion, which is important for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: