IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweighs the disadvantages? Give reasonsfor yours answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Now we are living in the modern era
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 we can not imagine our life without
technology
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it has made a great change in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. There is no doubt that
technology
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 enables a lot of
people
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 to do their
work
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 outside
from
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of
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 their workplace
,
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.
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 I think it has more advantages than disadvantages
, to
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. To
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 support my view,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 am going to elaborate in
following
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the following
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 paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
,
technology
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makes
Verb problem
enables
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a
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apply
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people
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 to do their
work
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 at home without visiting their
office
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, to explain that it is
win-win
Correct article usage
a win-win
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 situation for the worker and
office
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 owner
, first
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. First
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 of
all
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all,
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 folks can do their
work
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 at home without
watsting
Correct your spelling
wasting
 their
time
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will make them more productive. Even
office
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owner
Fix the agreement mistake
owners
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does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not need to pay
a
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apply
show examples
offce
Correct your spelling
office
 rent because of the
technology
Use synonyms
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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/
she
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
a
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apply
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online meetings.
Linking Words
Further more
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Furthermore
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,
peolpe
Correct your spelling
people
 can spend their
time
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 with a family member so they can make their bonding
storng
Correct your spelling
strong
 with their child or parents. As we
now
Use the right word
know
show examples
 by doing
to
Use the right word
too
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 much
work
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Use synonyms
people
Verb problem
makes people
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maks
Verb problem
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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workholics
Correct your spelling
workaholics
 and they can not give
a
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apply
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proper
time
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 to their family,which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
to
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in
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they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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can feel
Wrong verb form
feeling
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 alone and
does
Verb problem
apply
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not
feels
Wrong verb form
feeling
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 well.
For example
Linking Words
 , there was a person in my
office
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 and he used to come
earliy
Correct your spelling
early
in
Change preposition
to
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 the
office
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 for their
work
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 and stayed
long
Rephrase
late
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in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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night, which made him
workaholic
Correct article usage
a workaholic
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 and he
did
Verb problem
was
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 not able to give his
valuebe
Correct your spelling
valuable
time
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 to their family
and
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, and
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 his wife left
so
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, so
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 he got
dipress
Correct your spelling
depressed
 by his
work
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
technology
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made
Verb problem
has made
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 a great effort in all
filed
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fields
show examples
 so
people
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 can enjoy their
time
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 and life
,
Punctuation problem
. On
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on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
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 we can not
neglible
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ignore
 its disadvantages,so
people
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 should use the
technolgy
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technology
 wisely.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to provide a clearer structure in your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and you should link your ideas smoothly to help the reader follow your thoughts.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to support your points. The example you gave is good, but adding more details can help strengthen your argument.
language accuracy
Check for spelling and grammar mistakes, as these can confuse the reader. For example, 'a people' should be 'people' and 'watsting' should be 'wasting'.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion that technology's benefits outweigh the drawbacks, which is good.
task achievement
You provided a personal example to support your point, which can make your argument more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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