IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’ How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

I believe the main cause of the
traffic
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jam
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 in many
cities
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 now is the increase of buying car ownership over the past thirty years, and governments should educate the residents to reduce the use of
cars
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 and replace them with eco-transport. Many
cities
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 now suffer the crowding in the streets, leading to a big
traffic
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jam
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due to
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 the increasing car ownership because of the distance between their houses and other places,
such
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 as supermarkets, universities, hospitals and other
cities
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.
This
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 leads people to buy the
cars
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 to avoid losing time going to any place.
For example
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, in the US, many Americans own
cars
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 to save time going to different destinations because of the long distances between
cities
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. Governments are required to educate their residents to reduce the use of
cars
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 and replace them with eco-transport, which can help reduce
traffic
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 jams in their
cities
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. After being educated, people should replace their
cars
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 by using bicycles or walking. And go into groups to buy their essentials to reduce the
traffic
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 jams in their
cities
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.
For instance
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, in London, many people replaced their
cars
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 with walking to their work on foot, and that helped to reduce the
traffic
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 jams. In conclusion, I believe the increase in car ownership because of the long distance between each city causes a big
traffic
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jam
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 in many
cities
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, and governments should educate the residents to replace their
cars
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 with bicycles or walk on foot to help reduce the
traffic
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jam
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction could clearly state your opinion on how true the statement is. This will guide your reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure there is a clear link between your ideas. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'next', or 'finally' to help connect your points.
task achievement
Provide a wider range of examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention other cities or studies that show the impact of car ownership.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is good but could briefly restate your main points for clarity. This helps to reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
You clearly identify car ownership as a cause of traffic jams, showing good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You provide practical solutions for how governments can help reduce car usage, which is a strong part of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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