IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

There is a concept that it is important that
players
Use synonyms
 should play good
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 their outside behaviour and attitude from the playground does not matter a lot. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some solid reasons. On one side, most of the
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
behaviour
Correct article usage
the behaviour
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 and aura of celebrities
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
people
Use synonyms
 in a broad way.
Players
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
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 as a celebrity
for
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
People
Use synonyms
 follow their so many steps in their own
life
Use synonyms
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 what they will intake as a diet , what clothes they are wearing and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
even how they are talking and responding to the community folks.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 Virat Kohli is a cricket
player
Use synonyms
 of
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
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 team, his
each
Correct determiner usage
every
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 move copied by the youngsters, because he is
role
Correct article usage
a role
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 model for young
people
Use synonyms
. The
off field
Use the right word
off-field
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 of a
player
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 impacts
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 because
media
Correct article usage
the media
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showing
Wrong verb form
shows
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 each and every activity of the
Use synonyms
players
Punctuation problem
players,
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 whether
there
Use the right word
their
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 personal or social
life
Use synonyms
 , and definitely local
people
Use synonyms
influenced
Verb problem
are influenced
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 by the famous
people
Use synonyms
. On the other side ,
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are saying that it is totally fine that whatever
players
Use synonyms
 do outside the field
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is their personal matter. They are being supportive
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
players
Use synonyms
 and respect their privacy.
This
Linking Words
 statement only suits
for
Change preposition
apply
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those
people
Use synonyms
 who are more practical and do not engage much
a
Change preposition
with a
show examples
player
Use synonyms
's outside
life
Use synonyms
 after matches. Most of the
people
Use synonyms
 are emotionally connected with the
Use synonyms
players
Punctuation problem
players,
show examples
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why they
effect
Wrong verb form
are affected
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their actions. I strongly believe that a
player
Use synonyms
 needs to be a good human being and fit physically and mentally
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, so that he or she can motivate
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation towards a better and creative
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is imperative that a
player
Use synonyms
 should be an ideal person who can give shape to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in a positive way and
delivers
Correct subject-verb agreement
deliver
show examples
 good results and qualities to the community.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each point is clearly connected to your main argument. Use linking words to improve flow.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be more developed with better examples and explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction that summarizes your main points and a stronger conclusion that wraps up your argument more clearly.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic which is important.
task achievement
You provide relatable examples, such as mentioning Virat Kohli, which helps illustrate your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • media-driven
  • publicized
  • public opinion
  • societal norms
  • brand representation
  • sponsors
  • inappropriate behavior
  • team dynamics
  • morale
  • personal accountability
  • public image
  • career and legacy
  • off-field behavior
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