IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advances in health and biology and other areas of society in the last 100 years have transformed the way we live as well as postponing the day we die. There is no better time to be alive than now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is no denying the fact that
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the improvement and enhancement in
midical
Correct your spelling
medical
 research and in various
sectores
Correct your spelling
sectors
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are
interest
Change preposition
of interest
show examples
in, has been
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 altered the
mathod
Correct your spelling
method
 and changed the view of
people
Use synonyms
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of life.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held
belife
Correct your spelling
belief
 that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of inhabitants, especially
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
< there is
also
Linking Words
in
Use the right word
an
show examples
 argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that
will
Correct pronoun usage
it will
show examples
return
Verb problem
be
show examples
 as useful as when we
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 old,
besides
Linking Words
 are going to be helpful and
benficial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for our relatives who are in their
last
Linking Words
 days
To begin
Linking Words
 with, development in healthcare sectors and other departments that are related to these changes
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 may have numerous positives.
In other words
Linking Words
, if
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 information and
instructions
Correct determiner usage
these instructions
show examples
 were used 1 thousand years ago, we could acquire many crucial materials from the scientists.
For example
Linking Words
, Einstein, Newton and Oppenheimer.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is an advantage since it will reduce deaths and increase the age of old citizens,
also
Linking Words
 making the population live several years. Another point to consider, these
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
show examples
 probably become dangerous in the
furure
Correct your spelling
future
 and
csused
Correct your spelling
cause
 issues,
such
Linking Words
 as diseases
spread
Wrong verb form
spreading
show examples
 sharply between
each person
Check wording
people
show examples
 and
Correct article usage
the appearence
show examples
appearence
Correct your spelling
appearance
symptomes
Check wording
apply
show examples
of
illness
Check wording
symptoms
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are trying to be near and connect with older persons. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that not all parts of the world enjoy these benefits equally.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 life has brought problems
such
Linking Words
 as pollution and
sresss
Correct your spelling
stress
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 feel tired and anxious
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 of busy
lifstyles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
 and pressure at work. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I consider that life today is better than before,
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 of medical progress and technology.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
task achievement
Use clearer examples. They should directly support your main points and be explained in detail.
coherence and cohesion
Check your spelling and grammar for clarity, especially with medical terms and names.
task achievement
You have shared your opinion on the topic clearly.
task achievement
You tried to discuss both sides of the argument.
task achievement
You made efforts to connect healthcare advances to everyday life.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • advancements
  • medical technology
  • health outcomes
  • life expectancy
  • pharmaceuticals
  • treatments
  • vaccines
  • eradicated
  • biotechnology
  • food production
  • food security
  • nutrition
  • healthcare inequality
  • access
  • mental health issues
  • technological change
  • environmental concerns
  • health risks
  • progress
What to do next:
Look at other essays: