IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Free activities of the elderly in the United States from 1990 to the present

The given line graph gives information on the proportion of recreational
activities
Use synonyms
 offered at no cost of the adult people which is the categorized in variety of different kind in the United States from 1980 over the period from 1980 to the present day. As an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, can be reported some of these
activities
Use synonyms
 have
been
Verb problem
shown
show examples
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
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 trend considerably in the years mentioned
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 the exception of the theatre
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
has shown
show examples
downward
Correct article usage
a downward
show examples
 trend. The most significant growth belongs to hiking
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
initially
Linking Words
 was
on
Change preposition
at
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 20% and at
last
Linking Words
 it
rockets
Check wording
apply
show examples
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
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 reached at a culmination of 80%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, reading and watching television and surfing the internet have been
climbing
Verb problem
increasing at
show examples
 precisely the same
as
Check wording
rate as
show examples
 hiking
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 on a smaller scale. In the first decade, the most popular
activate
Replace the word
activities
show examples
 have been watching
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 surfing the internet didn’t
have
Verb problem
participate
show examples
 enough
participated
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 period of time approximately a lot of
activities
Use synonyms
 were increasing significantly. After thirty years, all
activities
Use synonyms
 have
gaining
Wrong verb form
gained
show examples
near
Replace the word
nearly
show examples
 50%
such
Linking Words
 as surfing the internet.
Moreover
Linking Words
, reading, theatre and watching
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
 had some
differ
Replace the word
differences
show examples
 but still had an average of popularity.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly explain the data shown in the graph. Use specific numbers and comparisons to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences and connect your ideas more smoothly for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points to help the reader understand your argument better.
task achievement
You included some specific activities which is a good way to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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