IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Caring for children is probably the most important thing of the society. lt is suggested that allomothers and fathers should be required to take the childcare training courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement

Caring for children plays an important role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. It requires all
parents
Use synonyms
 to take childcare
courses
Use synonyms
,
I
Correct word choice
and I
show examples
partially disagree with
this
Linking Words
 proposal. On the one hand,
such
Linking Words
 training can help
parents
Use synonyms
 develop
educate
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 skills. Many new
parents
Use synonyms
 lack knowledge about child development or safety needs.
Courses
Use synonyms
 could teach them to communicate effectively and
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 risks like accidents.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
show examples
 benefits are good for both children and society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is impossible
all
Change preposition
for all
show examples
 the
parents
Use synonyms
 to learn the
courses
Use synonyms
.
Parents
Use synonyms
 have their own business
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to complete
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 education classes may
make them
Verb problem
put
show examples
 have much
pressure
Change preposition
of pressure
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, childcare is often learned through life experience and their family, which no
courses
Use synonyms
 can replace. Cultural differences
also
Linking Words
means
Correct subject-verb agreement
mean
show examples
 it is difficult to let all the
parents
Use synonyms
 learn the
courses
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 encouraging childcare
courses
Use synonyms
 is a good idea, it can
make
Verb problem
help
show examples
 them receive a better education.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it is better for
parents
Use synonyms
 can choose whether
having
Wrong verb form
to have
show examples
 training classes or not by themselves.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly presents one main idea and supports it well.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points and to make your ideas clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer transitions between ideas to improve the flow of the essay.
overall writing
Check for grammar errors and make small changes to improve clarity.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your main points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: