IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that employers should ensure a supportive and pleasant work environment where each employee is respected and valued equally, while others think employers should focus instead on providing better facilities and equipment. What is your opinion.

In today's dynamic workplace,
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 vary whether
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
 should
emphasize
Use the right word
emphasise
show examples
creating a respectful and inclusive work culture or invest in advanced
Use synonyms
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 and facilities.
While
Linking Words
 advancements in instruments can foster productivity and reduce delays, I firmly believe
providing
Correct word choice
that providing
show examples
 a positive and pleasant atmosphere is more important. First and foremost, when employees feel valued and
respected
Punctuation problem
respected,
show examples
 they tend to be more productive and committed to work.
Supportive
Correct article usage
A supportive
show examples
atmosphere at
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 creates a sense of teamwork, where workers
Verb problem
are
show examples
always ready to help each other.
This
Linking Words
 not only reduces stress but
also
Linking Words
 decreases the chances of conflicts.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a respected environment fosters trust, encourages collaboration and reduces
worklace
Correct your spelling
workplace
 stress.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 that
prioritize
Use the right word
prioritise
show examples
 open communication or fairness have lower turnover
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 and find higher
loyality
Correct your spelling
loyalty
 towards
Use synonyms
organisation
Correct article usage
the organisation
show examples
, these both are necessary to build a
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 business.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Loyality
Correct your spelling
loyalty
 and motivated minds are imperative to run organisations
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 cannot be replaced by any technology. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
side
Check wording
hand
show examples
, several jobs
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 high-tech
Use synonyms
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 to foster production or meet their objectives,
such
Linking Words
 as construction, healthcare and factories. These sectors need high technology instruments to complete their goals in
efficient
Correct article usage
an efficient
show examples
 manner.
For example
Linking Words
, for construction workers it is important to have
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 machinery to perform heavy tasks, and for healthcare
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 they
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
Use synonyms
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 to examine patients efficiently.
Although
Linking Words
 having high-tech
Use synonyms
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 can play
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 role in achieving
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 in
faster
Correct article usage
a faster
show examples
 way, with negative environment or feeling no value at
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 may encourage
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 to leave
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 regardless of better
Use synonyms
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 high-tech machinery and equipment help workers to do their job effectively,
supportive
Correct article usage
a supportive
show examples
 and pleasant environment
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more important to run
Use synonyms
organisation s
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
. An
organisation
Use synonyms
 can only flourish if they have motivated and creative employees regardless of
instruments
Correct article usage
the instruments
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'however', 'in addition', and 'for example' to connect your ideas.
task achievement
You provide reasons supporting your view about a positive work environment.
task achievement
You discuss both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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