IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, young people leave their homes in rural areas to move to cities for work or study What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think advantages of moving to cities outweigh disadvantages

In more recent times, migration from rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to
cities
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased to much
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
. There are many particular reasons behind
ecah
Correct your spelling
each
 migrant who moves to achieve better living standards and to develop
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 those
people
Use synonyms
 get their desired work or living standard, it comes up with more negative
development
Use synonyms
 towards rural
areas
Use synonyms
. Moving forward to reasons,
according to
Linking Words
 my perspective, the most important and common reason behind the decision
of moving
Change preposition
to move
show examples
 is career
development
Use synonyms
. As seen in the rural
areas
Use synonyms
, there is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of colleges and work offices where
toung
Correct your spelling
young
people
Use synonyms
 want to
proceed
Verb problem
pursue
show examples
 their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
cities
Use synonyms
 displayed
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 image of
people
Use synonyms
's future dreams being fulfilled.
Along with
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 always have a hope in their eyes that they can improve their
and
Correct word choice
own and
show examples
 their beloved
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 living standard. Again, they achieved it with a good job
that is
Linking Words
 available in
cities
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a person living in
village
Correct article usage
a village
show examples
 has a great interest in
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 field
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 his homeplace does not have any medical college
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 hospital.
Thus
Linking Words
, he would prefer to move to
city
Correct article usage
a city
show examples
 where he can study in his
interested
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
field and afterwards start working.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 movement of
people
Use synonyms
giving
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 advantage to young
people
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, it is not much beneficial
dor
Use the right word
for
show examples
Use synonyms
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the village or countryside
areas
Use synonyms
 are being
in
Verb problem
left in
show examples
 that underdeveloped state that they
are living
Verb problem
were
show examples
 before.
Cities
Use synonyms
 are getting more investments
due to
Linking Words
 the growing migrants.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the overpopulated
cities
Use synonyms
 are hard to manage by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
these
Use the right word
there
show examples
 are some villages still found
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not have any school,
this
Linking Words
 is because young
people
Use synonyms
 are moving to
cities
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 study
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
believed
Wrong verb form
believes
show examples
 it
Verb problem
is as
show examples
as
Use the right word
a
show examples
 waste of investment where no one
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to study. In conclusion, it is seen that youth are moving to urban
areas
Use synonyms
 for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 future
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it seems unfair to rural
development
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
cities
Use synonyms
 are getting overpopulated
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there should be more investments in villages for schools and work offices to equally
maintains
Correct subject-verb agreement
maintain
show examples
 the
development
Use synonyms
 of countries.

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language
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammar mistakes. For example, 'each' is spelled incorrectly as 'ecah', and 'young' is misspelled as 'toung'.
structure
Try to have a clear conclusion that sums up your main points. You can restate your view about the advantages and disadvantages more clearly.
cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better. This will help your writing flow more smoothly. For example, use 'however' to show contrast between ideas.
content
You have identified important reasons why young people move to cities, such as career development and better living standards.
support
Your examples are relevant and provide a good illustration of your points, like the medical field example.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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