IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their childen themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?

It is a fact that
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of parents who educate their
children
Use synonyms
 has experienced an increase over the years. I
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 there are some pros and cons on
this
Linking Words
 issue.
However
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is so important in a lot of
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
.
School
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is not only for teaching science
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
also
Linking Words
 important for enhancing social abilities.
Children
Use synonyms
 learn how to make friends and communicate with
theit
Correct your spelling
their
 age group
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is significant for their future.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 type of
education
Use synonyms
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
experience in teamwork and
problem solving
Use the right word
problem-solving
show examples
 skills.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
show examples
 their social abilities and
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to being
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 workers in the future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 been bullied
rocketed
Verb problem
has rocketed
show examples
 in the
last
Linking Words
 decade.
This
Linking Words
 is one of the most important
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why some parent
choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
to educate their
children
Use synonyms
 themselves at home. Home gives
children
Use synonyms
safe
Correct article usage
a safe
show examples
 and less distracting place for
education
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, parents keep their
children
Use synonyms
 away from dangerous addictions and
meet
Wrong verb form
from meeting
show examples
 the wrong people. In conclusion, parents who do not let their
children
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
go to
school
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 have strong reasons.
However
Linking Words
, I believe
children
Use synonyms
 should be educated in public places. They may face some problems and dangerous situations
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they can learn so
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 things when they try to solve them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in my point of view,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
school
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 outweigh the disadvantages and support them to build their own character.

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task achievement
You need to include more specific examples to support your points. This will help to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check your spelling and grammar to prevent confusion. For instance, "theit" should be "their" and "succesfull" should be "successful."
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more clearly in paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which is a good approach to show you understand the topic.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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