IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

A decent
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of people
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that the government is not effectively using its
budget
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
arts
Punctuation problem
arts,
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 they
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
think the
money
Use synonyms
 could be used for other matters. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 way of thinking because
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 an essential part of our lives and should not be seen as a waste of
money
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, I do think the
money
Use synonyms
 reserved for
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 should not be more than a certain amount and should not affect the government’s
budget
Use synonyms
 on more crucial things.
Firstly
Linking Words
, since the form of humanity has developed,
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
was
Verb problem
have
show examples
 always
an
Verb problem
been an
show examples
 essential part of our lives. With the help of
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, we were able to do
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 about
ancient
Correct article usage
the ancient
show examples
livings
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 of our ancestors and we were able to understand their
form
Check wording
way
show examples
 of thinking
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that specific century.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
did
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 with the revolutionary acts for the future of humanity, which we still use to
this
Linking Words
 day. Another point to consider,
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 a form for expressing ourselves in our own ways. Which I think is very beneficial for our own mental health.
As a result
Linking Words
, using
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 as a coping mechanism saves
governments
Check wording
governments'
show examples
Use synonyms
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
 from excessive
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 on antidepressants and unnecessary
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of therapy sessions
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 decrease the pressure on healthcare staff. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 have a useful and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crucial part
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our lives.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the
money
Use synonyms
 used on these should not expand the
budget
Use synonyms
 reserved by governmental
staff
Punctuation problem
staff,
show examples
 it should
also
Linking Words
 not be the main concern
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the government for the sake of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future generations.

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task achievement
Include clearer main points and develop them further for better understanding.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas and make the essay flow smoother.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea to improve structure.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
task achievement
You provided some examples to support your ideas, which is good.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
What to do next:
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