IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Smoking is a habit that claims many lives and is a great drain on health services. One way to combat smoking would be to make it illegal. What are the pros and cons of such a government policy? What alternative strategies can you suggest to combat smoking?

There is no denying the fact that treatment with smoking is
one
Use synonyms
 of the most dangerous things.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the positives and negatives that the country should concentrate on and focus on the other side that things
must government
Correct word order
government must
show examples
 do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 the bad habit.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are many disadvantages to practising smoking as an illegal activity.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
 of the main drawbacks that may lead to an increase the black market stores.
In other words
Linking Words
, some smugglers probably seize or exploit the opportunity to sell prohibited items
such
Linking Words
 as cigarettes at high prices if the authority bans manufacturing them.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 decision might affect the economy negatively.
For example
Linking Words
, when the government suddenly prohibits industries,
this
Linking Words
 will result in massive losses and a huge number of unemployed citizens.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, banning smoking may have numerous positives.
One
Use synonyms
 of the main merits is that the number of smokers will plummet sharply. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that most smokers will quit the negative practice because they may be afraid of being fined.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many health issues will disappear.
For example
Linking Words
, people will no
more
Rephrase
longer
show examples
 suffer from some chronic diseases related to smoking ,
such
Linking Words
 as lung cancers and heart attacks. In terms of the methods of prevention from spreading smoking, it can be fought by many other effective ways.
One
Use synonyms
 clear solution is raising public awareness about the smoking hazard. For clarification, the governments, social platforms and organisations need to cooperate
together
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to launch campaigns to educate inhabitants about the dangers that smoking brings.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will result in reducing smoking levels in the long term. In conclusion, there are lots of merits and drawbacks that could greatly impact. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible
true
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that there are several methods which can be applied to prohibit smoking.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure your introduction clearly states your main points and outlines the essay. It's important to summarize what you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your points connect smoothly. Try to use linking words to show how your ideas relate.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, give statistics or real-life case studies about smoking and its effects.
task response
You have identified the pros and cons of making smoking illegal well. This shows you understand the task.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the points discussed, which is a good way to wrap up your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: