A growing number of people feel that animals should not be eploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy thier various needs, including uses for food and research.

It is true that the exploitation of
animals
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has increased over the
last
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few decades. Some individuals think
animals
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should not be killed as they suffer pain like humans and play an essential
role
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in maintaining the ecosystem.
However
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, others think that
animals
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are significantly important for satisfying human needs, whether in medical research, making clothes or in consumption. I am with the former view. I think
people
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should use them respectfully and ethically. On the one hand,
animals
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have the same right to live as humans, and they should be treated respectfully
instead
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of being cruel towards them. They
also
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suffer pain when
people
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used
Wrong verb form
use
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them for their selfish purposes.
For example
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, most individuals sell pork, steak, and chicken
,
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apply
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etc, just to earn some amount of money, but they never realise that
animals
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have the same right to live freely as other beings.
Additionally
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, animal species play a significant
role
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in maintaining the ecosystem. If
people
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are continuously exploiting them,
then
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it will not only imbalance the production cycle but
also
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bring serious consequences to human life as well. We use
animals
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for transportation
,
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apply
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and agricultural purposes. How can we be so cruel to them?
On the contrary
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, undoubtedly,
animals
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have a key
role
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in the medical field, i.e. in the testing of new medicines, and their side effects.
For instance
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic, most of the doses were tried on the monkeys as they have similarities to human beings, and to save the lives of individuals from the danger.
Moreover
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, some species are used to make clothes, leather shoes from the skin of
animals
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. Sheep are used for clothing purposes to make woollen clothes, carpets, and in the textile
industries
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industry
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.
Further
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,
animals
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play a key
role
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in some cultures where
people
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consume them for their nutritional values
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such
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, such
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as Fish, fried chicken, and meat products, because they are highly rich in protein, vitamins, etcetera. I think we should look for substitutes
instead
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of using
animals
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and rely on the AI world for plant-based food, synthetic materials to lessen
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Use synonyms
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
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suffering.
To sum up
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, no doubt,
animals
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have supported human progress historically, and fulfil their needs in
this
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modernised era, whether in research and development or in consumption.
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However
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However,
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we should treat them with dignity and explore alternative methods for the betterment of society.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and relates to your position on the topic. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or details to support your ideas, especially in the second part of the essay. This makes your points stronger and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion clearly summarizes your main points and restates your position clearly. This helps to remind the reader of your argument.
task achievement
You've presented a clear opinion and supported it with good points about animal rights and human needs.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of transition words like 'On the one hand' and 'On the contrary' helps to organize your ideas well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animals
  • rights
  • humans
  • exploit
  • pain
  • happiness
  • experiment
  • food
  • research
  • kindness
  • treated
  • discovered
  • cultures
  • respectfully
  • ethically
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