IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin a learning a foriegn language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do advantages of this outwiegh the disadvantages?

There is an argument that
children
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 should learn a foreign
language
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 in primary
school
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instead
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 of waiting until secondary
school
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.
Although
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 there are some benefits of studying different languages, but drawbacks are major concerns for
children
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. One of the biggest drawbacks of learning a foreign
language
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 at an early age is that it can increase work
load
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workload
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 on
minds
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the minds
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 of young pupils. There is no denying that the brains of
children
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 are still developing in primary schools
,
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;
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however
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however,
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 putting pressure
of
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on
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leraning
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learning
 a new
language
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acn
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can
 result in stress and other mental health problems.
Secondly
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, early times of
school
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 life should be more focused on core
leraning
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learning
 like maths, critical thinking and writing.
Moreover
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, knowing how to deal with numbers, words and
resoning
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reasoning
, if learned
efficently
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efficiently
 in primary
school
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, redsult
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redsult
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results
into
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in
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 higher grades in
futher
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further
school
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 life.
Also
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, all these core concepts could help
children
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 to deal
eith
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with
 real
in
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issues in
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 future. On
other
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the other
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 hand,
leraning
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learning
 a foreign
language
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 can bring confidence in a child
while
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 living in
the
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a
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 diverse and interconnected world. As
knowning
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knowing
 a second
language
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 can result
into
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in
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 better communication skills in different public settings for young individuals. In conclusion, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
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the advantages of learning
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a foriegn
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foriegn
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foreign
in
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language in
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 primary
school
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, it can be learned later in life when
children
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 are more mentally developed and
already
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have already
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 acquired core skills for secondary
school
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.
Therefore
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, I believe drawbacks clearly
outwiegh
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outweigh
 benefits.

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task achievement
Try to clearly state your main argument in the introduction and develop your ideas fully in each paragraph. Make sure to answer the question directly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'also', and 'in conclusion' more effectively to connect your ideas. This helps readers follow your argument better.
coherence and cohesion
Check your spelling and grammar. Make sure all words are spelled correctly, and revise sentences for better understanding. This will help improve your overall score.
task achievement
You present a clear argument about the drawbacks of learning a foreign language early, which is a good point of view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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