IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in different years

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in different years
The two pie charts
illustrtrates
Correct your spelling
illustrate
 the use of the devices to watch television in Canada
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
18
Correct article usage
the 18
show examples
 to 25 age group in two different years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the use of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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,
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 flat-screen
Use synonyms
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
show examples
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 increased
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
in contrast
Linking Words
,
dekstop
Correct your spelling
desktop
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
,
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
 and conventional
Use synonyms
TV demad
Check wording
TVs have seen
show examples
 was fell over the period in Canada.
Firstly
Linking Words
, flat-screen
TV
Use synonyms
wathers
Correct your spelling
watchers
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased from 15% to 26%,
while
Linking Words
 the
viewers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
smartphones
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphone
show examples
 were increased significantly from 8% to more than a quarter of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all viewers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, tablet
users
Use synonyms
was improved
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 over the decade
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 nearly four times more
users
Use synonyms
 in 2009.
Lastly
Linking Words
, spectators of the
dekstop
Correct your spelling
desktop
 computer
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fell over the decade from 18% to 12%,
while
Linking Words
 8% decreased can be seen in laptop
users
Use synonyms
 from 20% of
TV
Use synonyms
wathers
Correct your spelling
watchers
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, conventional
TV
Use synonyms
users
Use synonyms
were fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 significantly from 34% to just 4% of
users
Use synonyms
 over the period of ten years in Canada. So people are moving towards mobile devices.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tv, users with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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