IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

There is a growing
of
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apply
show examples
discussion about whether it is valuable for primary and secondary
students
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 to take long
summer
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 holidays.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe it is beneficial to
students
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 both physically and mentally, others argue that it may waste
students
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’ precious
time
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 and cause problems for
parents
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, having a
summer
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holiday
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 can benefit
students
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 in their physical and mental health. During
summer
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, it is too hot to study, especially for those
students
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 who live in tropical areas. The extreme weather might distract
students
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 from their studies, sometimes even leading to disease.
Additionally
Linking Words
, after a fast-paced semester, a long vacation can help them recover from the feeling of exhaustion and be well-prepared for the new term.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it would be a good chance for them to learn broader knowledge and practical skills because they can travel with their
parents
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 to different cities or take part in community activities during holidays. It is very common for
students
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 to travel to other cities to learn history from museums and historical sites when they are having
holiday
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, which can broaden their perspective.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they will have
time
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 to attend community activities, which they may not have
time
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 for at usual. They can learn how to communicate and practical skills, which may not be acquired in classes. Meanwhile, they may have a sense of belonging by taking part in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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community services.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a long
holiday
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 may have negative impacts on both
students
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 and their
parents
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. Some people argue that it would be a waste of
time
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 for
students
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 to take long vacations.
Students
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 should
prioritize
Use the right word
prioritise
show examples
 their
time
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 on studying,
thus
Linking Words
 they can adapt to the fast study pace and be well-prepared for universities.
In addition
Linking Words
, if
students
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 have a long
holiday
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, their
parents
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, who usually have full-
time
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 jobs, may not have
time
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 to take care of them or accompany them. It will be unsafe to leave them home alone, particularly the younger children. At the same
time
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,
parents
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 can not have a long leave
for
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from
show examples
 work, so it will be a problem for both children and their
parents
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. In conclusion, it is
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 and valuable for primary and high-school
students
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 to take a long
summer
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holidays
Fix the agreement mistake
holiday
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 some issues raised by
this
Linking Words
, the advantages in the aspects of
students
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’ health and expanding their
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and skills outweigh the drawbacks.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to also clearly state your main points in the introduction so the reader knows what to expect.
task achievement
While you have provided some good points, adding a few more examples would help support your main ideas better. Make sure each point is backed up with clear details or examples.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of ideas is good, but sometimes the connection between sentences can be improved to make your writing flow better. Try using linking words to enhance the flow.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view of the topic with arguments for both long and short holidays. This shows good critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of paragraphs makes the essay easy to read, separating ideas clearly which helps with the overall structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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