IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of boys and girls aged 4-15 taking part in activities and sports in Australia in 2003.

The charts below show the percentage of boys and girls aged 4-15 taking part in activities and sports in Australia in 2003.
The charts illustrate the percentage of
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 aged 4-15 who took part in activities and sports in Australia in 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, more
boys
Use synonyms
 than
girls
Use synonyms
 participated in activities and sports generally, and there were more
girls
Use synonyms
 who took part in
drama
Use synonyms
, dancing and singing,
while
Linking Words
 the
quantity
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
boys
Use synonyms
 playing a musical
instrument
Use synonyms
 was higher than
girls
Use synonyms
. There
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 not
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
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 differences in the proportion of
boys
Use synonyms
 who participated in
drama
Use synonyms
, dancing and singing, which were all below 5%, with singing being the lowest.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the percentage of males playing a musical
instrument
Use synonyms
 reached 20%, which was more than twice as much as females, which was approximately 8%. The
most
Correct word choice
highest
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 percentage was the
girls
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 danced, peaking at nearly 25%. And the proportion of
girls
Use synonyms
 who engaged
singing
Change preposition
in singing
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 and playing a musical
instrument
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 above 5%,
as well as
Linking Words
drama
Use synonyms
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
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 5%. In conclusion, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 who took part in dancing and playing a musical
instrument
Use synonyms
 was significantly higher than those
participated
Correct pronoun usage
who participated
show examples
 in
drama
Use synonyms
 and singing.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, drama, instrument with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • charts
  • percentage
  • boys
  • girls
  • aged
  • taking part
  • cultural activities
  • sports
  • Australia
  • 2003
  • participation
  • trends
  • differences
  • compare
  • summarize
  • findings
  • reasons
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