Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games.

In recent years,

although

Linking Words

computers bring about various benefits, it has emerged as one of the vital threats to youngsters' lifestyle.Some people claim that

this

Linking Words

influence is more harmful.

However

Linking Words

, others believe that computers lead us to positive success.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss both points of view and provide how to reduce the bad effects. On the positive side, video

games

Use synonyms

can offer various cognitive and social benefits. Many

games

Use synonyms

involve problem-solving, strategic thinking,and decision-making skills, which can increase cognitive abilities.

Moreover

Linking Words

, some kinds of exercises encourage teamwork, communication among players, fostering relationships and social skills.

Additionally

Linking Words

, certain educational

games

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as math, science, and language, make learning more interactive and engaging for kids.

However

Linking Words

, there are

also

Linking Words

potential negative impacts associated with excessive gaming. Excessive gaming can impede academic progress, thereby exerting a negative influence on children's future prospects.In some cases, playing online

games

Use synonyms

may lead to dependence on

this

Linking Words

interest. It means that youngsters face with loss of concentration, sleep disturbance ,

as well as

Linking Words

psychological issues

such

Linking Words

as depression and anxiety.

Moreover

Linking Words

, both children and adults may forget about their real life where they have family, friends, work or study.

For example

Linking Words

, these kinds of people lose their ability of relationships and miss the opportunity to communicate with real people. The second problem is the inactive lifestyle, which in the future will be the reason for obesity. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

there are many benefits to utilising computers, they

also

Linking Words

have drawbacks,

however

Linking Words

. To reduce

this

Linking Words

problem, parents should focus on their children and teach them how to enjoy their lives without any diseases.

makemoneyizzy16

Aug 4, 2025

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task achievement

Your essay presents both sides of the argument, which is good. However, your explanations could be clearer. Try making your points more straightforward and easier to follow.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure to use linking words like 'firstly,' 'in addition,' and 'on the other hand' to connect your ideas smoothly. This helps the reader understand your points better.

coherence and cohesion

Your conclusion summarizes the essay well, but it could briefly restate the main points for clarity. This would help readers remember your arguments better.

task achievement

You provided a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative aspects of gaming, which shows good understanding of the topic.

task achievement

Your examples, such as educational games and the risks of an inactive lifestyle, are relevant and help support your arguments well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive skills
strategic thinking
problem-solving
hand-eye coordination
fine motor skills
aggressive behavior
addictive qualities
physical activity
social isolation
interpersonal relationships

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

The values that we learn from our parents and family have greater influence on our future success than knowledge and skills we learn at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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